Everything Looks Good From A Distance
by jayde-allison
Summary: Iruka's drowning in memories that are threatening to change him from the people loving teacher to just a shell of his former self. A plethora of elites are doing everything they can to keep the Chuunin afloat. Will anyone get what they want in the end? [KakaIru] [IruGen]
1. The Third Night This Week

***Author's notes: **This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction of any sort, so any reviews/tips will be encouraged and appreciated. I will try very hard to stay in the realm of reality that is presented in the anime and manga, and if I make any changes or am unsure of something, I will make a note of it before the start of each chapter. The characters ages will not be consistent with the information on the wiki pages, but I will try to keep everything else the same. This will be eventual KakaIru. I do not own any of the storylines or characters from Naruto; all credit goes to Masashi.

_Hands ghosted over bare flesh, leaving the skin shivering after every touch. Voices snarled and laughed as the body in question weakly tried to twist away from the physical contact, away from the hungry, piercing eyes. Look, he's shy, one of the voices rumbled in amusement. The others laughed. Such a pretty little Leaf, another murmured, his hands roaming over high cheekbones and brushing against quivering lips. Fingers tangled in brown hair and jerked, pulling the Leaf nin's head back and exposing his neck and face to every other person in the room. It's hardly any fun if he doesn't fight back, the only woman in the group commented. Oh, he's just smarter than the last few, another murmured, his lips close to the captured shinobi's ear. The young Leaf nin shivered and squirmed, but had no strength left in his body to fight back. He felt feminine fingers trail up his spine as huge hands gripped and pulled at his thighs. He closed his eyes and bit hard on his tongue. He couldn't do much of anything, but he refused to make a sound. Don't cry Iruka, he told himself over and over. Sensei would be so disappointed if he found out you cried. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

* * *

Iruka awoke with a jolt, drenched in sweat and the muscles in his back and legs coiled tight. His eyes scanned the room as he went over his checklist. Doors closed and traps set. Windows locked and traps set. Bedroom, living room, bathroom, and kitchen lights off. Hall light on. Naruto snoring in the living room. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"It was just a dream, Umino," he told himself as he forced his body to relax against the headboard, but even so he felt around under his pillow for his kunai. It was still dark outside and the wind whistled, seeming to be just as restless as the tired sensei felt. After a few deep breaths Iruka got up from the bed and disabled the traps around his window, throwing it open wide. The wind rustled the last few papers Iruka had tried to mark before falling asleep. The hair on the back of his neck rose, and he tried to tell himself it was just from the cold. He leaned against the window sill and stared out into his village. Sometimes, late on nights like these, Iruka could convince himself that he lived in a village that wasn't full of shinobi. The streets were quiet, no one was running along rooftops, there was no hint of blood in the air. But tonight, Iruka knew better. He knew that it was only quiet because there were Leaf nin out on missions, killing and trying not to be killed. He knew that the other shinobi that were currently village bound would all be in their homes, some not even bothering to pretend to sleep, trying to convince themselves that they were okay. All fighting off nightmares, just as he was.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Naruto stop snoring in the other room. He didn't notice the footsteps coming down the hall, or the fact that Naruto now stood on the other side of his bedroom door. Iruka was so preoccupied that he lost track of how long he stood at the window, dressed in only a pair of loose sweat pants. It was the third time that week that he'd been woken by dreams of the events that took place so long ago, the third night that he'd stood at the window for hours without realizing that he was so cold his fingers and toes were turning blue. But Iruka wouldn't have been able to tell you that, because he genuinely wasn't aware. It was the third time that month that Naruto stood outside his bedroom door in the dark, masking his chakra, waiting for his self appointed nii-san to go back to bed. But Iruka wouldn't have been able to tell you that either, because he genuinely didn't know.

* * *

Naruto sat at the bar with Sasuke and Kakashi, a drink in his hand that he'd hardly touched. Sasuke and Kakashi had just returned from a week long mission to Rain Country, and the three of them now were out for their customary post mission get together. It was a tradition Kakashi had started for the three of them immediately after his two former students had been promoted to Jonin.

The mission hadn't been difficult, and both he and Sasuke were uninjured, but Naruto was being uncharacteristically quiet and Kakashi was worried. He watched Naruto out of the corner of his uncovered eye, and knew Sasuke was doing the same. Naruto was never this quiet around them unless the mission they were returning from had been tough.

"Okay Dobe, what's up with you?" Sasuke finally grumbled.

Naruto swirled the alcohol around in his glass before finally lifting his head and looking at his friends. "I'm fine," he said quietly, "but Iruka-nii isn't. And I don't know why. And I'm worried."

There was a long pause before Sasuke spoke again. "He seemed fine the last time I saw him."

Their blond companion shook his head and stared down into his drink. "He hardly sleeps anymore, and he's eating less. And I didn't think it was possible, but he's working more now, too. He hasn't said anything about it, but something is really bothering him."

A knot of nervous energy had tied itself in Kakashi's stomach. He and the Chunin in question weren't friends, even after all these years of sharing Naruto's company, but it wasn't due to lack of interest on Kakashi's part. He'd wanted to start conversations with the man that Naruto adored and Sasuke silently held great respect for, but the words never came out right. Over the years though, even though they never became anything more than acquaintances, Kakashi had grown a strange sort of fondness for the pre-Genin sensei.

"Why don't you just ask him what's wrong?" Kakashi tried to keep his voice that bored drawl he was known for, but he wasn't convinced he'd succeeded.

Naruto stared at him as if he'd grown a third arm and Sasuke shook his head slowly. "No one would guess it," the Raven haired Jonin said, "but Iruka-sensei is a very private person."

"We still don't know how he got that scar on his face," Naruto added.

"Or even how long he's been working at the Academy," Sasuke finished. "If something really is bothering him, there's no way he'd tell us."

Kakashi swirled the drink in his glass before finishing it in one final gulp. He turned to his young companions and just looked at them for a long moment before sliding out of his seat and heading towards the door. Naruto shot a look at Sasuke before grabbing him by the arm and following the scarecrow into the street. "So what's the plan?"

"You say there's no way he'll talk to you. Probably because you're his former students and he is used to sugarcoating and protecting you from things. But he'll talk to me. I'll get to the bottom of this." Kakashi's voice was its usual uninterested drawl, and he walked with his customary slouch, but Sasuke saw the hidden tension in his former sensei's body.

"Baka, did you not listen to anything we said?" Naruto growled. "He's private! He's not going to tell you anything; he hardly knows you! You're going to make him feel uncomfortable!"

"Would you rather I break into the records room and snoop through his file? We would probably figure out the mystery of the scar, definitely figure out how long he's been at the academy, and potentially figure out what is currently bothering him."

"Are you crazy! He'd kill us if he found out!" Naruto's voice was rising with every sentence, but not due to his usual enthusiasm. The whole conversation seemed to be sending the young Jonin into a bit of a panic.

"No one would find out, especially not him," Kakashi stated calmly. "Do you want to know what's up with him, or not?"

Naruto chewed on his lower lip, apprehension clear on his face. He ceased his footsteps and stood in the street, his hands in fists and his lip caught between his teeth. His eyes darted from Kakashi, to the Hokage tower, to the direction of Iruka's home, to Sasuke, and back again. Kakashi had paused but had not turned to face the young men behind him. Sasuke bit back a sigh and fought the urge to rub his temple. "You two do what you want. I'm just going to go talk to his friends." And with that, the raven haired teen quickly formed a few hand signs and poofed away.

Kakashi turned his head and looked at Naruto, his visible eyebrow cocked up in a question. Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "We probably should have thought of that first, ne?"


	2. Everyone Has Nightmares

_He was staring up at the ceiling. At least, he thought it was the ceiling. His vision was blurry, his eyes were sore, and he was cold. He'd never been so cold before. Focus, he told himself. C'mon Iruka, focus. The boy tried to blink in rapid succession to clear his vision, but his eyelids were heavy and sluggish. Get up, Dummy. He moved to push himself into a sitting position but found his wrists and ankles had been strapped to whatever it was he was laying on. Calm down. Focus. He took a few deep breaths and willed the feeling back into his body. The pain washed over him in waves, but he breathed through it. This was good. Now he could start figuring some stuff out._

_As best as he could without being able to sit up and examine himself, he began mentally cataloging his injuries. Fractured left foot, broken left ankle. Was that a gash in his right thigh? Deep breath. Four broken ribs. All the fingers on his left hand broken. Dislocated left wrist. Broken right index and middle fingers, broken right wrist. Dislocated right shoulder. Dislocated jaw. A pain that he could only associate with burns blanketing his hips and thighs. And his back.. He couldn't tell what had been done to his back, but it was far more painful than any of his other injuries. Overall chakra exhaustion. What happened to me?_

_A door squeeked open and then slammed shut, and soft footsteps could be heard echoing around the room. His eyes tried to track the sound, but whoever was in the room with him was keeping a wide berth to stay out of his peripheral view._

_I'm surprised you're awake, Little Leaf. The voice was decidedly female and deceptively sweet. The boys did quite a number on you. You weren't what any of us were expecting._

_A gurgle sort of noise escaped the brunet, followed by a clear moan. His throat was painfully sore, and now that he'd tried to make a sound he could tell it was swollen._

_What was that? The woman cooed. You can't talk? Well, I'll just have to fix that. The footsteps drew nearer and then he could see her. At first she hovered near his left side, but then hopped up onto where he was laying and straddled the boy's thin hips. Pain shot through his skin and down his legs, and though he tried to hold it back another moan escaped him. The woman giggled and settled her palms over his bare chest, her face over his and looking down. Her hair was pulled back into and intricate bun, her eyes were alight with mischief and an underlying sense of malice, and her lips were pursed and red like a just-right strawberry. She was beautiful in a way that made the boy think distantly of his mother. Her slender fingers ghosted over the skin of his collar, caressed the base of his throat. The fabric of her pants brushed against the boys thighs and it suddenly clicked as to why he was so cold._

_His sandals, his standard issue pants, his black, long sleeved shirt. His thigh holster, his wristbands. His hitai-ate. All of it was gone._

_Her fingers travelled up the column of his throat, just barely dragging her nails across his skin. And then she grabbed his jaw and roughly jerked it back into place._

_She swallowed his cry with her mouth sealed over his, almost lapping at the sound of pain with her tongue between his lips._

* * *

Iruka gazed at the ceiling of his living room in a jittery daze. He must have fallen asleep on the couch and rolled onto the floor. He took a few deep breaths to ground himself before he got up and wandered into the kitchen to make some tea. Maybe some lemon balm. Or should he go all the way and pull out the kava? As Iruka pondered which tea to brew, he didn't notice the brief flick of chakra out on his balcony.

Sasuke peered into Iruka's home through the balcony door, only remembering to mask his chakra at the last minute. The sensei's back was turned to him, but now that he knew what to look for, Iruka did seem a little.. abnormal. His ponytail was less perky, and his skin had lost it's warm glow even while retaining its tan colour. The teen watched intently as the Chuunin puttered around his kitchen. He seemed distracted; he would start a task and stop midway through as if he'd forgotten what he was doing. Iruka pulled a box of tea out of the cupboard, then put the kettle on to boil. When it was ready, he poured the hot water into a mug, but forgot to first add the tea bag. Realizing his mistake, he went to redo it, but couldn't find the tea that he'd placed on the counter; instead rifling once more through the cupboard. Sasuke 'hnn'ed before leaping off Iruka's balcony and landing on a neighbouring roof. Perhaps Naruto wasn't exaggerating when he said something was wrong with his brother. Sasuke took off across the village at a brisk pace. He had a duo of Chuunin to find.

* * *

Kotetsu was more than a little surprised to find Hatake Kakashi having tea in his living room with Izumo when he returned from his shift at the gates. The Jonin was lounging in Kotetsu's favourite armchair as if he owned the place, and Izumo was perched on the edge of the couch and staring into his tea with a pensive expression on his face.

"To what do we owe this pleasure?" Kotetsu asked as he hung up his flak jacket and scratched underneath is hitai-ate.

Izumo's voice was gentle and carefully composed as he turned to his partner and said, "Kakashi-san was inquiring about Iruka."

Kakashi watched the two Chuunin carefully as they talked. They definitely knew a lot more than what Izumo had been willing to give up while it had just been the two of them. Maybe it'd be easier to get Kotetsu to talk.

"Inquiring about what, specifically?" Kotetsu asked, keeping his eyes on anything except Kakashi. But before Izumo could reply there was a brisk knocking at the door. Kotetsu, who had not yet ventured into to the living room, reached over and opened it, and was once again more than a little surprised when he saw Sasuke on the other side of the threshold. There was an awkward pause in which no one made any movement or said a word. Then Izumo sighed. "What can we do for you, Sasuke-san?"

"I just wanted to know if you'd noticed anything odd about Iruka-sensei lately."

Kakashi stood and strolled to the door, hovering near Kotetsu as he said, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. To be honest, I thought you'd been here already."

Izumo closed his eyes and counted slowly to ten before saying, "Why doesn't everyone come have a seat? It must be quite important if it brought both of you here."

Without any hesitation Sasuke brushed past Kotetsu and strode into the living room, taking a position standing by the far window. Kakashi went back and sank once again into Kotetsu's armchair. Kotetsu sighed heavily and closed the door, before joining Izumo on the couch. "So," he murmured as he adjusted the bandage that crossed his face and scratched idly at the bridge of his nose, "what is it?"

"When did Iruka-sensei start forgetting things?" Sasuke asked, his gaze on the two Chuunin unwavering.

"He gets like that sometimes if he isn't getting enough sleep," Izumo admitted reluctantly. "I noticed it this time I few days ago."

"But that's not too out of the ordinary for him, hm?" Kakashi seemed as bored as ever to Kotetsu, but Sasuke saw the apprehension in the set of the silver haired man's shoulders.

"He'll have a spell of insomnia maybe once a year, but I don't know why it's important to either of you," Kotetsu's voice was calm, but there was a hint of irritation in the way he tossed his arm on the back of the couch behind Izumo's head.

"Well. Naruto's concerned this time. So that means either Naruto has suddenly become more observant, or Iruka's sleepless condition is more obvious." Kakashi stated. "Why are you both being so defensive about it?"

"He has nightmares," Izumo murmured, "But we all do, don't we? I think they've been more frequent than usual. That's all that I feel comfortable sharing with you. If that's not enough to curb your curiosity, I suggest the two of you and Naruto just ask him if he's alright. It's really no one's business. We all have demons that come out to play once in a while. I figured the two of you would be able to understand that." Then Izumo stood, and the message was loud and clear: this conversation is over.

Kakashi left through the window without so much as a glance at the Chuunin. Sasuke was a little better, exiting through the door and tossing a quiet, "thank you for your time," over his shoulder.

Izumo curled up in Kotetsu's lap and closed his eyes as his long time lover gently ran his fingers through his hair. "It must be bad if Naruto's noticed," he whispered, his words almost lost in the fabric of Kotetsu's pants.

"I don't know. Naruto isn't a child anymore. I'd be more concerned if he didn't notice Iruka's insomnia at some point, ne?"

"Maybe," Izumo sighed, suddenly exhausted. "But I think I'll go check on him tomorrow. Just to be sure."


	3. How Bad Is it, Really?

***Author's notes: **I'm a little concerned the characters are coming off a little ooc-ish. I'm trying to fix that. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

_She tasted of cigarettes and something sweet. Her hands caressed the boy's pectoral muscles as she sucked on his lips and tongue. His eyes were wide open, and he told himself to just focus on the ceiling, but it was difficult. He mostly just looked at her forehead. The woman's hair was dark, and he could tell it was soft from the moments her bangs would occasionally brush against him. Her skin was pale, blemish free, and well taken care of. She had the type of look that, had Iruka been at home talking about girls with his Genin teammates, he would have been attracted to. Hiroki would have called this woman hot and Ritsu would have said, but can she fight?_

_Now that Iruka thought about it, there was no signs that she could. She hadn't been there when his team had been attacked and he had been separated from the other boys and his sensei. She hadn't even participated in his initial beating. There was no sign of her possessing any chakra. If he could just get out of these restraints, he could figure something out. He might even be able to take her._

_Suddenly the Genin was pulled from his thoughts by a sharp slap across the face, quickly succeeded by a kunai to the fleshy part of his upper arm. His whole body jerked and he bit down viciously on his own tongue. He knew her goal was to make him scream. Apparently it made kissing him more enjoyable._

_I'm not enough to keep your attention, hnn? Well maybe you're better suited to the boys. There was venom in her voice and her eyes flashed dangerously as she swiftly dismounted the boy and the table and strode across the room. She threw the door open and shouted down the hall, Phoenix, Hawk-Eye, get in here! Almost instantly, two huge men were standing with her, walking behind her, and eying the leaf Genin with expressions he could only compare to hunger._

* * *

Iruka stood at the blackboard, chalk in hand and poised to write. He'd gotten halfway through his lecture notes before he'd frozen, and he'd now been standing, back to the children and chalk unmoving on the board, for a good couple of minutes. The class of eight-year-olds watched in confusion. What was wrong with their sensei?

"...Sensei?" The voice of the smallest child brought Iruka back to reality.

"Yes Meiko-chan?" he responded, turning to face his class. Guilt washed over him as he saw the mild fear and utter concern on their little faces.

"Are you okay, Sensei?"

Iruka nodded and was about to make up some sort of excuse before another child spoke up, "Who was that man at the window? He'd been looking in for the past ten minutes."

Iruka turned to the window in question, but by that point Naruto was already gone.

* * *

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto congregated at the top of the Hokage monument. Naruto had been shadowing Iruka for three days now, and his concern was only growing. Kakashi and Sasuke had spent the last few days scouting out and questioning Iruka's friends. Now it was time to share information. "Okay," the scarecrow started, "The other two thirds of the Chuunin trio were completely unwilling to talk. They didn't give us anything except that he has nightmares sometimes. So, I'm going to assume that that's what's happening now."

Sasuke nodded before turning his gaze to Naruto. "I talked to Genman-san. He's in the mission room on a regular basis so I figured he'd noticed something. He said that he's noticed that Iruka-sensei has lost some weight and is often staring off into space during his shifts. He's worried. He's offered his assistance if we want it."

A silence enveloped the three Jonin for a few moments before Naruto's expression turned incredulous. "That's it? That's all you've got?"

"None of the teachers knew anything about anything, and Ebisu even directed me to Anko and Ibiki. I haven't been to T&I to speak with either of them, because I'm not sure there's any reason to. I haven't ever seen Iruka with either of them. Have you?" Kakashi was a ball of irritation at this point. In a village full of nin that liked to gossip, how was it that no one seemed to know anything about a certain, tanned academy sensei? It'd been three days and Kakashi had scraped up virtually nothing.

"You were following him, Dobe," Sasuke muttered. "What did you find?"

The two Sharingan users looked at the blond teen with expectation, and Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "He doesn't even get into bed most nights anymore, but it looks like it's because he forgets. He's drinking a lot of kava, and Sakura-chan said that was generally used to calm anxiety. His appetite is shrinking. He hardly touched his dinner last night. Sakura-chan said she sees him jogging by her house almost every night. I'm going to spend the night with him tonight. Maybe I can get him to talk."

Sasuke glanced up at the sky, letting himself admire the view of his village for only a moment before turning back to his companions. "Izumo and Kotetsu said he gets like this almost annually. It sounds like it either passes on his own, or he's able to pull himself out of it. Maybe there's nothing for us to do except wait it out."

"No." Naruto's voice was firm. "No. How long would we wait? A week? A month? Until he wastes into nothing? Not a chance. If it were me, he would do something."

Kakashi nodded almost absently before he spoke up. "For once, I agree with Naruto. If other people who are used to his idiosyncrasies are noticing and are concerned, I think we need to do something."

Sasuke hnn'd before finally giving in. "Then what do we do now?"

Naruto's expression turned grim. "I guess we go find Anko and Ibiki."

* * *

The purple haired kunoichi and the T&I expert were sitting in one of the training fields when they were spotted by the last Uchiha, the Kyuubi container, and the spindly scarecrow. It seemed suspiciously like the three of them had interrupted some sort of sunset picnic, but no one said a thing about it. Instead, Naruto just rushed right on over.

"Hey!" he called in a way that reminded everyone of his irritated twelve-year-old self. "Hey! We have to ask you some things!"

"Dobe calm down," Sasuke muttered, but Naruto had already sprinted his way across the field. Kakashi and Sasuke took their time heading over, figuring they'd have a head start on a getaway if Naruto pissed either of their targets off enough to warrant some form of retribution.

Ibiki eyed the three Jonin with veiled curiosity and Anko sighed loudly. "What do you want, Loudmouth?" she asked Naruto, her eyes rolling.

"Are you guys friends with Iruka-sensei?"

Anko and Ibiki shared a look before the huge man addressed Kakashi. "What is going on here?"

"Maa," Kakashi's visible eye turned itself into its happy crescent as he scratched the back of his head. "The boys are worried about Umino, and Ebisu told us to talk to you two about it. But we don't want to bother you." The elder of the three then grabbed the back of Naruto's collar and the cuff of Sasuke's sleeve and began pulling them back. "Come on boys. Jaa, ne!" He called over his shoulder.

They were almost halfway back across the field before Anko stood. "...Wait!" Her voice was filled with a hesitation that was uncharacteristic for her and it immediately caught Kakashi's attention. "Is he okay?"

Naruto broke free from Kakashi's hold and scampered back. "I don't know. I don't think so. I thought maybe you'd know."

Ibiki gave a brisk tug on the hem of Anko's coat and motioned for her to sit back down. As she nestled herself back in the grass, Naruto sat down across from them and stared, his blue eyes full of worry. Sasuke held back, not comfortable being so near to the interrogation specialist since the session he'd had with the man upon his return to the village after his defection. Kakashi, too, kept his distance but used a surge of chakra to enhance his hearing.

"It's the nightmares?"

Naruto gave a nod. "We think so. It's impacting more than just his sleep though."

Ibiki sighed. "Damn kid. I bet he stopped taking his medication."

The talk of medication brought both Kakashi and Sasuke a few steps closer. Neither of them had been aware that the sensei had been chemically treated for anything, and if the sudden stiffness in his back was anything to go by, neither had Naruto.

Ibiki's voice was gruff as he continued, "Look. I know you're worried. But if it's not putting him in danger or hindering his ability to do his job, you shouldn't be snooping around. And if it is actually effecting him that much, you should take your concerns to Lady Tsunade. We've already told you more than we should have."


	4. Talk to Me

***Author's notes: **Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter :] This one's a bit short, but I needed it to end where it did. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi

Iruka was sprawled out on Kotetsu and Izumo's living room floor, his fingers tracing the swirls in the wood. He hadn't said barely a word since he'd arrived, but Izumo didn't seem to mind. When he glanced over and saw how intent Iruka's gaze was on the floor he couldn't help but laugh.

"What is it?" Iruka's eyes sparked with curiosity and a small grin broke his solemn expression.

"I just remembered the look on your face when I told you Ko wanted hardwood floors." Izumo then crossed the room and laid himself on the floor beside his childhood friend, his head pillowed on Iruka's forearm. "You said it was mildly pretentious and thoroughly impractical for shinobi."

"I still think that," Iruka laughed.

"Well, it's better than carpet. And you know I'd do anything to keep Ko from whining all the time."

Iruka was almost acting normal, and Izumo was glad for it. He'd been extraordinarily concerned after Kakashi and Sasuke's little visit a few days back, but right now the only unusual thing about Iruka were the dark circles under his eyes. And anyway, it was about that time of year. But as quickly as Iruka's laughter had appeared, it disappeared. His eyes were clouded in thought and Izumo's heart plummeted as he witnessed the almost instant change in his best friend. He reached up and touched Iruka's jaw as a form of reassurance. Iruka caught the other Chuunin's wrist and held the fingers to his lips. His eyes were closed tightly, and his brows were furrowed.

"Talk to me," Izumo whispered, but Iruka only shook his head. "Then talk to someone. Please. Everyone's worried about you."

At that statement Iruka's eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Yeah," Izumo kept his voice measured as he continued, "Kakashi and Sasuke dropped in a few days ago, asking about you. I guess Naruto noticed something was off. He must have told them he thought you were dying or something, because they were quite serious about the whole thing. And they must be alerting everyone because yesterday in the mission room Genma asked if you were alright, and this morning Anko asked me if you wanted some more kava."

Iruka let out a shaky breath and rolled so that he was lying on his back. "Is it that bad? I hadn't really noticed."

Izumo dodged Iruka's question and instead countered, "Did you want some?"

"Some what?"

"More kava."

"I think I'm okay for now."

Silence enveloped the two friends for some time, both of them trapped in their own little world of thought. When Izumo spoke again, his voice was soft. He remembered talking to Iruka like this after he'd come back from that mission. "It's okay if you're not okay, you know. And it's okay to let people help you."

"I know that," Iruka responded. "I just... I don't know if there's anything anyone can do. I'm not sleeping; how are you going to fix that?"

"I really think you just need to talk it out. I mean, I know you talked about it in therapy after it happened, but you just told them what they wanted to hear and got the fuck out," Izumo almost laughed as he recalled a disgruntled thirteen-year-old Iruka muttering about his therapist. "Why do I have to tell him what I feel? He's the therapist; shouldn't he know?" He'd mutter while throwing stones into the pond behind his parents' old house. "Isn't he supposed to have the answers?"

"I'm totally not saying that you should go back to therapy," Izumo continued when Iruka didn't say anything, "But you can talk to me about it, or Ko. Ibiki could relate, if that's what you're looking for, and I know that Gen would listen. He'd probably even be able to lighten the mood a bit, you know? Maybe we can work some of it out so that you can at least get through a night."

Iruka just continued to stare up at the ceiling, and Izumo wasn't sure he was even listening. "And, you know, if you talked to Naruto, the kid might stop panicking everybody."

And then Iruka laughed. But it wasn't his usual bright, boisterous laugh. It was dark and cold and bitter, and it had been years since Izumo had heard that sound from Iruka. "He would look at me differently. As if I was broken. And I'm not. I'm over it."

"Iruka, if you were over it your nightmares wouldn't be seeping into the other aspects of your life."

Iruka almost growled and Izumo felt his friend's whole body tense, but the tanned Chuunin didn't move and didn't protest. Then he whispered, "You don't know what it was like."

"You're right," Izumo agreed readily, "You never told me what happened."

"I never told anyone. The only people who knew were Sensei, Sandaime-sama, and my therapist. And he only knew because he read the mission report, because I didn't want to tell him."

"You can tell me."

"No." Iruka's response was instant. "No, I can't. You have no idea... I wouldn't want you to know what I went through, what it was like...,"

"Ru," Izumo propped himself up on his arm and looked down into the eyes of his friend. He tried to make everything about himself soft; his voice, his eyes, everything. "We're all shinobi. We've all seen terrible things. You don't need to protect anyone from what happened to you."

At that, Iruka's whole body shuddered. It was true; they were all shinobi. They had all seen and done terrible things, and had had terrible things done to them. Ibiki, Anko, Genma, they wouldn't be traumatized by hearing what had happened to him. Hell, even Sasuke and Naruto had experienced multitudes of terrible, awful, horrible things and they were only nineteen. But knowing that on a cognitive level and being able to internalize and make use of that information were two whole different things. He knew, knew, that he could talk about it to pretty much anyone and that they would listen and it would help. But he didn't feel like that. He felt like if he said anything to anyone, their eyes would widen in surprise and then soften in pity, they would change the way they acted around him, they would treat him with kid gloves. And he couldn't handle even the thought of that. He'd been on his own, taking care of himself, since he was nine. He wasn't suddenly fragile, or broken, or weak. And if people started to treat him like that...

"Ru, we just want to understand," Izumo whispered, seeing the plethora of emotions flashing across his friend's face. He saw confusion, anxiety, determination followed by uncertainty, exasperation. But most of all Izumo saw fear. "We want to help. We want you to be able to feel safe, and to take care of yourself. And you don't, and you're not, and I'm not okay with that."

"Just let me think about it," Iruka murmured. "Just.. Just give me some time."

"Of course."

And then Iruka was gone in a puff of smoke, not even bothering to have stood up and leaving his flak vest and work satchel hanging by the door.


	5. Are You Going to Finish That?

***Author's Notes: **Here's another short chapter. There's a piece or two of intense language in there somewhere. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Naruto sat beside Iruka on the same bar stool he'd sat on since he was a pre-Genin, but instead of wolfing down his ramen like usual, he matched his elder's slow pace. Iruka was just sort of picking at his ramen, slurping on only a noodle or two at a time and dunking the pork to the bottom of the bowl and swirling it around when it rose back up. He knew Naruto was watching, waiting, and he now knew that the blond would probably go back and report the length of their interaction to Sasuke and Kakashi. He sighed heavily and put down his chopsticks, about to say something about it to Naruto, but the teen beat him to it.

"I want to spend the next few nights at your place."

Iruka sent a level gaze at him before asking, "Why?"

"They're doing some renovations on my apartment building and everything smells funny now because of it." The words rolled off his tongue almost as easily as if it'd been the truth.

"Remember when you used to have a hard time lying to me?" Iruka asked, his eyes now cast at his rapidly cooling lunch. "You're still not very good at it, but it seems easier for you now."

Naruto froze momentarily before turning his whole body to face his old sensei. His hands were quiet and still in his lap, his legs were motionless, resting on the appropriate place on the stool, and his eyes were serious. Naruto had changed from a bouncy, loud boy into a man without Iruka really noticing until that very moment. Iruka pondered that briefly before Naruto spoke. "Okay. Here's the truth. I want to stay with you for an undetermined amount of time because you're not you right now and that scares me. I want you to get better, and I want to know it's real, and the only way I can have that is if I stay with you."

Iruka picked up his chopsticks and once again began drowning his pork in the broth as he thought. Then he said, "Why don't I just look for a bigger place, and then you, Sasuke-kun, and Kakashi-san can all move in with me. Oh, and while we're at it, why not install cameras everywhere so that if there's an emergency and I have to be left alone with none of you to look after me, you can just rewind the tape and find out what you missed?"

The words were said almost passively, but Naruto was so taken aback that Iruka may as well have yelled at him.

"I know you've been following me," the Chuunin continued quietly, "and I know that those two have been helping you interrogate my friends. And I want the three of you to stop." Iruka was shaking now. His voice was still quiet, and he was still messing around with his ramen, but Naruto could tell that he was almost enraged. If he pushed it any farther the consequences could be dire.

But the boy wouldn't let it go. He'd seen how concerned Anko was, and even though Ibiki didn't outwardly react, Naruto could just tell that the huge man was worried too. And he didn't even know that those two and his makeshift nii-san were close. He had heard about how protective Izumo and Kotetsu had been, and Genma was so worried he'd offered to help them. He saw more and more small changes in Iruka every day. He was going to do something about this situation and help Iruka, even if it made him mad. Even if it made the man hate him. Even if it hurt.

Because that's what Iruka would do for him.

Because that's what you do for your family.

"We'll stop if you tell us what's wrong." He said firmly, trying his best not to fidget. "We'll stop if you let us help."

"Why the hell should I tell any of you anything?" Iruka was having a terrible time trying to control his anger now, and it surprised him. When he had invited Naruto to lunch he'd had the intention of confronting the boy, but he had never meant to be so intense about it. He hadn't even really realized that he was angry at all. He'd felt confused and disappointed, but his current rage was unexpected. "If you don't respect me enough to just ask me if something's wrong, if you don't respect me enough to allow me my privacy, why should I willingly divulge private information to you?"

"We only went about it like that because we knew you'd try to brush it off!" Naruto's hands clenched into fists, but he wasn't going to lose his temper. He needed Iruka to hear him. He needed Iruka to trust him. "I wanted to ask you, I wanted to just talk, but I knew you wouldn't tell me anything. You never do. But I couldn't let you do that this time; I just couldn't." There was a tense pause before Naruto muttered, "Besides. If that baka Kakashi had had his way, we would have looked through your file. You're pretty lucky that Sasuke stopped that from happening."

Iruka sighed deeply and scratched at his scar, his anger fading away just as quickly as it had grown. Now all the man felt was tired. "Why are they so invested, anyway? I hardly see either of them."

Naruto studied Iruka's deflated state carefully before responding. "Well, you were, like, the only person who gave Sasuke a chance when he came home. When I would bring him over with me you would talk to him and sit by him and actually look him in the eye. You don't know how much that meant to him, how much it will always mean to him. And who knows what the council would have done if you hadn't fought for him. You went out on a huge limb for him, and he really cares about you."

"Okay...," Iruka murmured, "but Kakashi?"

That one stumped Naruto. He'd been thinking about Kakashi's involvement as well, and he just couldn't figure it out. "I... I don't really know. But he wants you to be okay. Isn't that all that should matter?"

"And the three of you won't drop this whole thing unless I tell all three of you what's happening?"

"Well, I mean, if you tell me, I'll stop snooping around. But I don't know what they'll do if you tell me and they find out. I'd probably have to tell them, in which case you might as well do it."

Iruka slumped over the counter and scratched his scar, then rubbed his jaw. "This is getting a little out of hand," he murmured.

"Huh?"

"Well, Izumo really wants me to confide in him, but I can't tell him without telling Ko, too. And I know Ibiki is dying to fit all the pieces together, but if I tell him I'll have to tell Anko. And Anko will cave and tell Genma if he asks her, so I'd rather he hear it from me, I guess. And if I have to tell the three of you..."

"Wait, what? You mean none of the people we talked to actually know anything?"

"Well... Pretty much. I mean, Izumo and Ko know I have nightmares, and have an idea of when they started. They told Anko about my insmnia and she gives me tea to help me sleep and ease my nerves. Ibiki knows that I was seeing a therapist when I was a lot younger due to a mission gone bad. But that's it. No one knows anything more specific than that."

Naruto's face paled and suddenly he felt sort if ill. "So, when Kakashi and Sasuke were talking to everyone, they...,"

"They just made everyone worry and piqued their curiosity. Yeah. You guys weren't going to get anywhere like that."

"So... what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I think... I think I need to tell everyone. But... I'm sort of freaked out. I don't know if I could get all the words out eight times."

Naruto looked at his hands in a thoughtful silence for a while before he said, "Maybe you only have to do it once."

"Hmm?"

"I mean, what if we just got everyone together, and you told it to us all at once. It could be, like, a support group or something. And then, like, if you can't handle it or something, we'll all be there to help."

"Oh, I don't know Naruto...," Iruka said it, but it wasn't true. He knew that that's what would end up happening whether or not that's what he really wanted. He could just leave it up to the blond teen to tell someone of his idea, and word would get back to Izumo, and then the brunet would set up the whole thing. He might as well give them permission, he supposed. "We can give it a try, I guess. But in a couple days, okay? I just need some time to think."

Naruto nodded, "Yeah Iruka-nii, no problem."

"Will you keep Sasuke and Kakashi off my back until then?"

The blond teen nodded again. "No more snooping. Promise."

Iruka gave a tired, grateful smile before leaving some money on the counter and standing up. He gave Naruto's shoulder a quick squeeze before he turned and wandered in the direction of home. Naruto watched him go , taking notice of the way his clothes hung off him and the slouch of his shoulders, before he too left the ramen stand.

It was the first time he'd left a bowl of ramen unfinished.

* * *

When Naruto reached his apartment, he found Sasuke and Kakashi playing a card game at his dining room table. He unzipped his orange jacket and tossed it carelessly on the back of Sasuke's chair, earning him a quiet grunt. He then wandered to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water before turning on the kettle and pulling a cup of instant ramen from his cupboard.

"Didn't you just have lunch with Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi asked without looking up from his hand.

"Sort of," the teen replied absently, "Not really."

Sasuke put his cards down and turned his attention to the blond. "Hnn?"

"We ordered, but I wasn't going to eat if he wasn't. And he didn't seem too interested in it, so...,"

Kakashi's attention had also been captured now. "Did he think you wouldn't notice that he's practically starving himself? He must think you're a real idiot."

Naruto turned to face his companions, and the look he gave them was something they were unfamiliar with and unprepared for. "He was pretty angry. And embarrassed. And definitely unimpressed with us."

"Why? What did we do?" Kakashi's visible eyebrow cocked up in question even though his voice retained a fairly high level of nonchalance.

The blond teen's jaw dropped and his eyes almost bugged out of his head. "What did we do? Baka, he knew about the whole thing! And we made it worse for him!"

Sasuke's fingers twitched. "He knew we were watching him?"

"Yeah, and he was pissed!"

"Okay," Kakashi chimed in, "I can understand that. But how did we make things worse?"

"You know how we talked to all his friends, trying to get answers?" The two Sharingan users nodded before Naruto continued, "Well, none of them knew anything! Now everybody's asking questions and he's going to have to practically hold a fucking press conference or something before everyone will leave him alone!"

Kakashi leaned back in his chair and gazed up at the ceiling, his arms crossed over his chest. Sasuke's eyes widened almost imperceptibly and muttered something under his breath. Naruto raked a hand through his mess of blond hair and sighed. "In a few days, we're going to get our answers. And so is everyone else. So until then...,"

"Leave him alone." Sasuke finished.

"Yeah," Naruto nodded. "I think he'll be okay for a couple days, ne?"


	6. Apologies

***Author's Notes: **This is the shortest chapter ever and I'm sorry. But I was really stuck on this one. I hope it's alright. A big shoutout to my three lovely reviewers; I really appreciate all the love and support :] Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Sasuke forced himself to wait sixteen hours before going to Iruka's house. He had meant to give the Chuunin some much deserved space, but after Kakashi had left Naruto's place, the blond teen had told him just how upset Iruka had been. Sasuke had almost lost his cool when Naruto mentioned the fact that Iruka had felt disrespected. _Of course he'd feel like that, Idiot_, he told himself as he shot across Konoha's rooftops, _He probably has more secrets than Kakashi, and all he wants to do is make sure that we don't worry. And you tried to take that away from him._

When Sasuke reached Iruka's home, he paused. What would he say? He should have thought this out better. But before the boy could turn to leave, Iruka's door opened. They stared at each other for a while, neither willing to say the first word. Iruka looked awful. His sweatpants hung off his too slender hips precariously, his collarbone jutted out from under his skin much too sharply, and the bags under his eyes made him look like he'd taken a good beating. Sasuke almost gaped. When dressed in the standard Chuunin uniform, Iruka only looked mildly thinner than usual. The bulkiness of all the different pockets hid just how small the tanned man had gotten, and giving Iruka a calculating once over, Sasuke deduced that the man must also have been wearing extra layers.

"Sasuke-kun. Are you alright? I could hear the gears turning in that head of yours all the way from the bedroom."

"Hai, Sensei," he replied, comforting himself with the fact that at least Iruka's voice sounded the same, "I'm well."

"Good... You do know it's five A.M., yes?"

"Hai."

"On a Saturday?"

Sasuke hesitating before 'hnn'ing in affirmation.

"I should be sleeping right now."

"I agree," Sasuke murmured while looking intently into the Chuunin's eyes, "but we both know that you were awake, and that you probably wouldn't be sleeping any time soon."

Iruka heaved a sigh and then stepped aside, motioning for his former student to come in. Sasuke did as directed and toed his sandals off before moving into the living room and posting himself by the patio door. He gazed out at the sky while Iruka went about preparing them a pot of tea. The sun was just starting to raise, staining the clouds a rosy pink. It looked like the day was going to be a chilly one, autumn a little bit late but finally settling in.

"So what can I do for you, Sasuke-kun?" Iruka asked as he brought the tea and cups into the living room. "Please, sit. It makes me nervous when you hover like that."

Immediately the raven haired teen crossed the floor and carefully sat himself on the couch beside Iruka, close but not overly so. "I just came to apologize," he said as he poured his former sensei tea, and then some for himself. "My actions were severely inappropriate and it was never my intention to betray your trust the way that I have."

Iruka took a small sip of tea and let out a slow exhale. "I'm sorry that I put you in the position where spying on me was your only option," he sighed, and it seemed to Sasuke that he'd never spoken to someone who was so utterly exhausted before. "I'm sorry that I worried you."

The teen snorted and his eyes flashed. "You're apologizing for being spied on. That doesn't make much sense, Sensei." Then he gave a small shake of his head, and then the two lapsed into silence for quite some time. Iruka drank half of his tea before silently giving up on it.

"I haven't been very good to any of you, have I?" the brunet murmured as he gazed at the wall behind Sasuke's head, and suddenly the boy had no idea what was happening. What was Iruka talking about?

"I didn't mean to upset you, Sensei. I just thought you deserved to know that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come so early. I'll give you your space now." Sasuke's confusion and discomfort had driven him to try to disengage himself from the situation, but as he moved to stand his wrist was caught in an iron grip. Iruka was clutching onto him so tightly that his knuckles were white.

"Please," the man whispered, "stay. I haven't gotten any sleep in almost a week. Please just stay until I pass out. Please. I know how weak you must think me to be, but please, I just... I just...,"

Sasuke looked down at his former sensei, and his stomach twisted. Iruka used to be so stable, almost infuriatingly perky, and a huge pillar of support for nearly all of the village. He'd practically sold his soul to the academy, and every shinobi that passed through the mission room received a kind word of gratitude and support after a mission if Iruka was working. This shivering, begging, huddled mass was not even a shadow of the Iruka-sensei that Sasuke grew up with, that Sasuke had gratefully been able to return to. Iruka had shielded Sasuke from an angry, hateful village. Iruka had tried his very best to shield Sasuke from his own self loathing. After the Uchiha massacre all those years ago, Iruka had pulled him into a crushing hug. After his return three years, Iruka had held him as he'd broken down. It seemed that now it was Iruka who was in need of shielding, and Sasuke knew that now it was his turn to do it. And so Sasuke did the only thing that came to mind. He sat back down and pulled the smaller man to his chest, holding him almost too tightly.

"I'll stay," he whispered into the tuft of Iruka's limp ponytail. "If it will help you sleep, I'll stay."

Sasuke did as he promised and stayed until the Chuunin passed out in a tired heap on the couch. And Sasuke was still there when that Chuunin woke up screaming twenty minutes later.

* * *

Kakashi, having had similar thoughts as his dark haired, teenage teammate, had arrived to apologize to the Chuunin that he'd somehow grown so fond of. He'd been surprised to reach the sensei's home to find Sasuke in the living room having tea, and so he masked his chakra and camped out on the deck, listening. When he heard Iruka's desperate plea for company, the wispy Jonin knew that he wouldn't have been able to leave his post outside that home even if he'd wanted to. It had taken every ounce of self restraint he had to keep from busting through that sliding glass door when he heard the brunet awake with a strangled scream, and the resounding sobs that followed had the silver haired waif biting down hard on his fist to keep himself from poofing into that room and holding the man until he calmed down.

He knew Sasuke was in there with Iruka doing just that, and he felt a stab of jealousy. But that was promptly chased down by a heavy sense of guilt. He shouldn't have been witness to anything that had happened over the last two hours, and Iruka would be mortified if he ever found out that Kakashi had been listening. Kakashi told himself to go home. He told himself that he shouldn't be spying on the Chuunin anymore and that he had crossed a very big line. But a tiny part of Kakashi whispered that the line had already been crossed and that leaving now wouldn't change that. He may as well stay to make sure that Iruka would be alright after Sasuke's eventual departure. That tiny part of Kakashi won, of course, and so the Jonin hunkered down and focused all his attention on the breaking man on the other side of the wall.


	7. Three Confused Shinobi

***Author's Notes:** Thanks for all the love that the last chapter received! This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, so I hope it's alright. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Izumo was tired. He'd just pulled eight hours at the mission room, and then had to hunt Ko down to make sure he actually went to the gates for his shift. Now it was nearly four in the afternoon and he still had to go get some food for dinner and sign off on a large set of documents so that they'd be ready for Lady Tsunade (or, more likely, Shizune) to go over in the morning. But as the Chuunin made his way towards the market district, a heavy uneasiness gnawed at his consciousness. So he decided to make a quick detour before starting his shopping; he wasn't yet sure if he wanted to buy some fish or not anyway.

* * *

Kakashi was startled out of his meditative state by the arrival of a presence that was standing entirely too close to him. He cracked his visible eye open and was met with the sight of a frowning Chuunin. "What are you doing?" Kakashi asked Izumo quietly, sliding his eye shut once more as if in an attempt to meditate the other man away.

"I think the better question is, what are you doing?" Izumo countered, completely unimpressed. "I'm his friend; I can stop in on him whenever I want to. Who are you?"

Kakashi was surprised by the little Chuunin's tone. He'd always been under the impression that Izumo was the most respectful of rank of the trio, and the most level headed of them just in general. But right now he seemed angry, and he didn't seem to care that he was talking to an elite.

"I don't know what you're doing, Kakashi-san, but I think you should leave. I know you like to turn people into games, to look at them as if they're puzzles that need to be solved and buttons that need to be pushed. But Iruka is not a game. And if you don't get off this patio right now, I'll-,"

"You'll what?" Kakashi spat, the words sharp off his tongue. He didn't know why Izumo had suddenly gotten under his skin so easily, but he was furious. He did not think that Iruka's fragile state of being was a game. "What are you going to do? You're just a Chuunin. You couldn't even touch me."

"You classist bastard, you don't have the slightest idea of my skills," Izumo hissed venomously. He advanced on Kakashi and the two were just a breath away from erupting into a full blown fight when they heard the sliding glass door being pushed open. Both shinobi froze. There was a tense silence, and then the two arguing men turned to look at the open door.

"Between your erratic chakra flares and raised voices, there was no way you were actually expecting me not to notice." Iruka was too exhausted to be angry or even curious, and his flat tone of voice and the fact that he could hardly look at either of them didn't slip past the other two men. Izumo's temper almost completely died out when he saw how puffy the bruised skin around his friend's eyes was, and Kakashi immediately had the wind taken out of him when he noticed that Iruka was trembling just standing there.

The three men just stared at each other for a few uncomfortable moments before Iruka moved back into the house, leaving the patio door open as he left. Kakashi took that as an invitation and followed behind the unusually quiet sensei, Izumo once again in his personal space and crowding in behind him.

"Did you just get home, Iruka?" Izumo asked as he took in the other Chuunin's current state of attire. His standard issue pants were belted to his body, but still looked dangerously close to just falling off. What was supposed to be a skin tight, long sleeved shirt was loose around the man's shoulders and wrists and he almost looked like he was drowning in the fabric. His flak vest and hitai-ate were draped haphazardly over the back of the couch, his work satchel abandoned in the middle of the floor by the door.

Iruka nodded silently as he sat on the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest, trembling. "The kids were rough today," he murmured as he hugged his legs to himself.

Kakashi watched with a critical, concerned gray eye before asking, "Are you cold, Sensei?"

Iruka hesitated before giving a slight nod, and both his guests jumped into action. Izumo rushed to shut the patio door while Kakashi wandered down the hall into Iruka's bedroom. He pulled the quilt off the bed and carried it back into the living room. Before he really caught up with what his body was doing, and before Izumo could read the scarecrow's movements and stop the action, Kakashi sat beside Iruka, wrapped the quilt around the precariously narrow shoulders, and used one arm to gently nestle Iruka against the side of his body.

For the second time in about five minutes, Kakashi and Izumo both froze. Izumo's jaw would have fallen open if he hadn't had the presence of mind to keep it shut. Kakashi's internal voice was berating him. _What the fuck are you doing, Hatake?_ He mentally screamed at himself. _This is not like you at all. You don't do these things. He hardly knows you! Why are you touching him?_

But Iruka just took a deep, shuddering breath and let his face rest in the crook of Kakashi's neck, the fabric of the mask and Kakashi's body heat warming the Chuunin's scarred nose. "You sat outside all night, Kakashi-san," Iruka murmured, "Didn't you?"

Kakashi hesitated before giving a single quick nod. Izumo frowned, his lips almost drawing into a cross between disapproval and a pout, but neither Kakashi nor Iruka paid that any mind. "How did you know? I thought I'd masked my chakra."

"You did, but Sasuke kept looking at the door. And then here you are, arguing with my best friend on my deck."

"Sasuke was here?" Izumo asked, suddenly feeling very out of the loop. "Why?"

"Don't worry about it, Zu," Iruka sighed, still leaning against Kakashi. The Jonin smelled like fallen leaves, moss, and damp earth, very similar to Konoha in the rainy season. It was calming and comforting, and Iruka didn't have the mind to really comprehend that he was cuddled up against the infamous Copy Nin. The hand that was resting against the back of Iruka's neck and holding him in place began to gently rub slow circles in the space between his shoulder blades, and the Chuunin felt his eyes grow heavy.

_What the fuck am I doing?_ Kakashi wondered to himself as he watched Iruka relax under his ministrations. His hand had started massaging the tanned skin on its own accord, but it put the smaller man at ease so much that by the time Kakashi had noticed what was happening he couldn't bring himself to stop.

Suddenly Iruka's head jerked up and his gaze sought out Izumo. "Do you know what the others are doing tonight?"

"No," Izumo answered, "Why?"

"I think we need to have that talk now."

After Iruka had agreed to Naruto's suggestion yesterday, the blond had gone straight to Izumo and told him of the plan before going home to confront Sasuke and Kakashi. And, just as Iruka had figured, Izumo had gone and told everyone to be prepared to be contacted over the next few days. Izumo had sent a note to Iruka's classroom in the morning telling him that he would handle everything, and just to let him know when he wanted it to be done.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm relaxed enough now that I think I'll be able to do it without too much trouble. If we wait I'll change my mind and it will never happen."

Izumo nodded. "I'll go round everyone up." And then the Chuunin was gone.

"I should probably go help, ne?" Kakashi said as he shifted to stand, but Iruka shook his head and bit his lip, then scratched nervously at his scar.

"No, I would... I would like for you to stay. I wanted to ask you something."

Kakashi paused in his half sit half stand before slowly setting himself back down, still partly wrapped around the brunet.

"I understand why Naruto did it," Iruka continued hesitantly, "It was sort of to be expected, I guess. And though Sasuke's involvement was a bit of a shock I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but you...," Kakashi didn't respond, and that forced Iruka to keep going. "I mean, if you were tagging along to keep yourself entertained, okay, I get that. But staying on my deck all night? And this," Iruka said, indicating to the quilt and Kakashi's arm around him, "Why?"

Kakashi was still and silent for a good few minutes before he scratched at his masked chin. "Maa Sensei, isn't it a shinobi's duty to look out for their comrades?"

"Yes," Iruka replied slowly, his eyes searching the Jonin's covered face for something, anything that would give him answers. "But this is a bit excessive considering I already have people looking out for me, isn't it? And you don't like doing things unnecessarily. You and I both know that's not the reason, Kakashi-san. So what is?"

Kakashi's brain whirled. He hadn't really counted on Iruka confronting him; he'd figured the academy sensei had bigger things plaguing his mind than the fact that Kakashi was amongst the small army of shinobi who were worried about him. But now that he thought about it, he didn't really know why he'd been doing the things he'd been doing. Iruka wasn't really his friend, and he knew that had it been any one of his other acquaintances he would have just taken his concerns to the Hokage and let someone else deal with it. So why did he feel the need to stick his nose right in it when it came to Iruka? It wasn't like him, and suddenly he was internally freaking out because Iruka was looking at him, waiting for him to say something, and he couldn't explain or defend himself because he literally had no clue as to why.

"Well," he began, "the other day I was lost on the path of life when a little golden puppy told me that there was a sad dolphin-,"

"Naruto is less of a puppy and more of a ferret if you ask me," Iruka cut in and Kakashi didn't bother finishing his tall tale of an excuse. Instead he countered, "I thought ferrets were supposed to be intelligent."

The punch he received to his left shoulder was a bit weaker than was normal, but was a welcomed surprise. It was very... Irukaish. "At least he knows when to tell the truth. And you shouldn't speak about him that way; he's smarter than he lets on and you know it."

_I know, because he kept you close to him through everything. Wait, what?_ Kakashi's thoughts were really spiralling out of control, and for the genius that he was supposed to be he was intensely confused and shaken up. "Can I get you some tea, Sensei?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice nonchalant as he practically jumped away from the Chuunin.

Iruka was surprised at the sudden change in his unlikely companion. "Uh, sure," he answered as he watched Kakashi rummage through his cabinets. The scarecrow's body seemed tense and his actions were bordering on the verge of frantic, but Iruka wasn't sure if that was actually true or if he was just perceiving things strangely due to his lack of sleep. He then wished that Izumo would return soon, because he was utterly baffled and the whole situation was becoming more awkward by the minute. _Why is he so interested in me?_ He wondered as he watched Kakashi finally find the stash of tea and hesitate for only a moment before pulling down the kava and two teacups.


	8. Nightmare Assembly

***Author's Notes: **This fic is rated M, and from this chapter onward that is going to be quite apparent. Warnings for violence, sex, sex without consent, and language. If any of that makes you feel uncomfortable, for this chapter if you skip over the italics you should be fine. I cannot say if that will be the same for later chapters. Thank you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Genma had poofed out of the mission room as soon as he'd heard Izumo whisper, "He's ready to talk," and had taken himself right to Iruka's front door. He had prepared himself to see a half starved, black eyed from sleeplessness Chuunin. He had prepared himself to hear numerous horror stories about pretty much anything his imagination could come up with from said Chuunin. He was not prepared for Hatake Kakashi to answer said Chuunin's door when he knocked on it. He raised an eyebrow at the masked man and rolled his senbon between his teeth. _What is this?_

Kakashi gave a slight shrug combined with a barely there shake of his head before stepping aside and allowing Genma to enter the small house. _Not now. We'll talk later._

Genma was also unprepared to arrive at Iruka's home to find him sleeping on the couch. "How long?" he asked Kakashi, motioning towards Iruka's sleeping form.

"Only about fifteen minutes. I made him some tea and it knocked him right out."

"I thought he couldn't sleep."

"Partly. But I think most of it is because he's afraid to."

Genma was quiet for a moment, just watching Iruka's breathing pattern, before asking, "So we wake him up once everyone's here?"

Kakashi shrugged. "If he sleeps that long. I don't think he will."

As if on cue, Iruka started shifting in his sleep. His breathing became fast and shallow, and his chakra flared. The Jonin and his tokujo companion watched the sensei squirm, the quilt falling off the side of the couch.

"Iruka." Genma said his name, but made no move to touch him. He knew better than to grab a sleeping shinobi, and a distressed sleeping shinobi was even more dangerous.

"Just let it pass," Kakashi told him, but his voice was tight. Neither wanted to watch Iruka suffer, but Genma had to admit that waking him would just startle and disorient him, making it more difficult for him to calm down. So Genma sat on the floor near Iruka's head, and Kakashi posted himself up against the nearest wall, his face arranged into its usual bored expression and his arms crossed casually over his chest. He hid his clenched fists in the arm holes of his vest.

* * *

_That's a good Little Leaf. Just like that. Don't you dare bite me._

_There were hands all over him. So many hands that he couldn't match them to specific bodies._

_Oh yeah, that's good._

_Hands in his hair, at his throat. Everywhere he had skin there were hands on him._

_Grabbing, pushing, twisting. So many hands. And bodies. Bodies above him, below him, beside him. So many bodies and twice as many hands._

_Fuck._

_Moaning. Grunting. Panting._

_So many bodies, so many hands. He felt like he was suffocating, drowning in other people's skin. In their hands._

_Don't cry. Don't cry. It's just hands. It's just mouths. Just skin. Don't cry._

_He wanted to fight, but he couldn't. His chakra reserves were completely dry._

_Hands all over him. So many hands. His own hands would be almost useless for months._

_It's just hands. Mouths. Skin. Don't cry. Block it out. Focus. Think of Konoha. Do your job. Don't say anything. Don't cry. It's just hands._

_But suddenly it wasn't just hands. Or mouths. Or skin. It was pain and burning and ripping._

_Moaning. Grunting. Panting. So loud. They were excited._

_Don't you dare cry._

_Scream for me, Little Leaf. I want to hear you._

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

_But goddamn it, he was ripping and he could smell the blood._

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

_He was on his back now, but the burning and ripping and pain didn't stop. And then there was pressure on his pelvis and a body on top of him and laughing and moaning and grunting and fuck, he wasn't going to fucking cry._

_Don't you dare cry Iruka. Don't you dare._

_Scream for me. Let me hear you._

_Don't cry._

_Scream._

* * *

Genma had only heard a sound similar to the one Iruka made once before. It had come from the throat of a mortally wounded shinobi in Grass Country, who was in the midst of dying one of the worst deaths the senbon user had ever witnessed. Iruka's agonized, terrified caterwaul turned into a series of bone chilling sobs that the Chuunin was desperately trying to suppress, and ragged gasps for breath. He clutched himself and curled up into a ball, his nails digging into the skin of his arms. His eyes were squeezed shut, his whole face almost seeming to collapse in on itself. His lower lip was held captive between his teeth and he was biting so hard that he drew blood. He pushed himself as far into the couch as he could and held himself and tried not to sob and trembled.

Genma had seen Raido in a similar state multiple times for the first few months after he'd returned from the mission that had marred his face. Kakashi had seen Gai fall apart after Lee's hospitalization during the Chuunin exams all those years ago. As shinobi they were trained to watch each other break, to expect each other to break. But no one ever really applied that to the huddled mass of a man that was now breaking before them. He was a happy person, he hardly ever left the village. He was safe. No one had ever really thought about Iruka breaking. They'd never really thought that he had anything to break over. But if this is what had been happening every time the Chuunin fell asleep, it was no wonder that Iruka had gone the last couple of weeks, maybe longer, on hardly any sleep at all.

Kakashi went into the kitchen and got Iruka a glass of water, fighting hard to hide his own shaking from Genma.

"Iruka?" Genma's voice was hardly more than a whisper, but it startled Iruka nonetheless. The Chuunin's eyes shot open and scanned the room frantically before settling a wide eyed, fearful gaze on the senbon user. "Hey, it's just me," Genma murmured softly. "You just had a nightmare. You're safe. You're home. We're here."

Iruka's eyes slid shut once more and his face relaxed a little, but the rest of his body was still taut with tension. He felt the couch dip beside him and looked over to find Kakashi hesitantly sitting near him, offering him water in one hand and what looked to be Advil in the other. Iruka was fearful of accepting anything from anyone, but he had a splitting headache. This is Kakashi, he told himself. I am in Konoha. The Copy Nin isn't trying to poison me. Relax. Iruka reached out and took the water with shaking hands, but couldn't bring himself to accept the pills for his headache.

Kakashi watched as Iruka brought the water up to his chapped lips and was mildly surprised that the Chuunin didn't spill any on himself, considering how badly he was shaking. "Do you want to cancel the talk? I can send Genma to tell Izumo that it's off if you need some space."

"No," Iruka murmured, his voice hoarse. "No, I need to do it. I'm tired of this."

It was then that Kotetsu came in through the patio door. He looked around and took in the scene, then moved past Genma, sat himself on the couch beside Iruka, and pulled him into a fierce hug. He'd done it with ease and familiarity, and Kakashi was hit by a pang of jealousy. _Stop it_, he told himself. _Now is not the time to feel like this._

Shortly after Kotetsu's arrival, Naruto and Sasuke showed up. "What happened?" Naruto nearly shouted as he saw Iruka's state, but everyone ignored him. Sasuke posted himself by the patio door and Naruto sat beside Genma, rubbing Iruka's calf. Anko appeared fifteen minutes later, a basket under her arm filled with tea and chocolate. But before she could even put it down Izumo came back in through the front door, Ibiki behind him.

"Sit there," he ordered Anko, indicating at the armchair opposite the couch. She did so without a word, her comfort basket deposited at her feet as Ibiki grabbed two chairs from the kitchen for himself and Izumo. And then there was silence.

Iruka stirred in Kotetsu's arms and his gaze travelled over the shinobi assembled in his living room. Some of the most notorious, infamous, fearsome ninja to ever fight for Konoha were looking at him, waiting for him to tell them just how fucked up and broken he felt. They were waiting for him to expose his weakness.

Kakashi saw the look of utter panic cross Iruka's face, but before he could move or even say anything Izumo took charge. "Hey," the Chuunin said calmly, "You're okay, Ru. You can do this. Nobody is going to judge you. We are here to support you. You're in a safe space. You're okay."

Iruka gave a small nod and took a deep breath, holding the air in his chest for a few long moments before exhaling slowly and taking another look around. "I don't even know where to begin,"he murmured.

"At the beginning," Izumo replied quietly. "Just start from the beginning.


	9. Stay Together

***Author's Notes: **Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, most of which are regulars. It means a lot to me to be able to see your comments after each part in the story. Now about the fic. The currency used in the Narutoverse is the ryo, which, converted to yen and then to US dollars is equal to about ten cents. It is stated that a D-Rank mission pays anywhere between 5,000 and 50,000 ryo. So when I mention that Hiroki has been deducted 20,000 ryo from the accumulation of his pay cheques, that is equivalent to only $2,000. Keeping in mind that they've only been Genin for about two months and that the pay rate isn't set, I'm going to say that he could have earned that in three or four D-Rank missions, so the kid still should have some money in the bank. I am aware that Ritsu is generally a girl's name, but I really like it so I used to on a boy anyway. The name Tomatsu translates roughly to mean protector/defender, so I chose that for Iruka's Jonin-sensei. And, as always, Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

"Tamotsu-sensei had taken us about two days of sprinting out of Konoha. We were going to practice setting up easily concealable and quickly dismountable camps, as well as subtle perimeters and the finer details of keeping watch without falling asleep," Iruka almost smirked at that, cuddled up beside Kotetsu, his hands fiddling with the quilt that he had pulled from the floor and once again wrapped himself in. "He'd chosen a couple different locations so that we could practice in a wide range of environments. It was our first evening out, and Sensei had taken Ritsu to check the perimetre one final time before choosing who'd be with him on first watch, and he had left me and Hiroki at the camp. We had a small fire going, but Hiroki was determined to cook our can of saury using a fire jutsu."

Kotetsu snorted. "Dumbass. Had to do everything the hard way. Did he manage?"

Iruka shook his head. "I took the can away from him. He was the worst at fire jutsus and I didn't want him to burn it. We'd only been Genin for maybe two months, and he'd already had 20,000 ryo taken out of his pay cheques due to damages from lighting shit on fire. We were arguing about how to cook that damned saury when we should have been paying attention. I heard a rustling behind Hiroki but I figured it was just Ritsu coming back.

"And then these two men came out of the bushes. They didn't have headbands or any features showing their affiliation, but I could tell by their chakra that they were shinobi. They just stared at us. Hiroki tried to engage them in conversation, asking them where they were from, what they wanted. And they never said anything back. I was scared. I threw a kunai into the trees opposite those guys, aiming to disturb the perimeter because I knew that would bring Sensei and Ritsu back."

Iruka paused for a moment, his eyes glazing over before continuing, "One of them laughed, but it worked. They came back almost instantly. And Sensei knew these guys; he saw them and he changed. He told us to run. But that one guy just laughed again."

* * *

"You think they'd make it very far, _Sensei_? They can't outrun Hawk-Eye. Guess it's time your boys had their first real fight."

The second man, Hawk-Eye, cracked his knuckles as a feral grin overtook his face. Iruka turned to do what he was told and run, but there were three more men positioned around behind them. How had they gotten there without anyone noticing? He shifted for his weapons pouch, but one of the new arrivals lunged for him and he was forced to dodge, grabbing Hiroki and pulling the other boy with him.

Hiroki, who had been previously engrossed in their sensei's conversation with the original two, apparently hostile, shinobi, stared at Iruka with wide eyes before ducking under the oncoming swinging arm from behind and rolling away. Both boys knew they didn't stand a chance in a fight; this would have to be a game of evade and escape.

Tamotsu-sensei cast a high level wind jutsu that none of the boys had seen before, before grabbing Ritsu and pulling him close. "Don't get too far from me or the others. If they get you alone, you're dead. Understood?" Ritsu nodded and then sensei raised his voice and asked the question again, directing it to his other two Genin. "Understood?"

Iruka dodged a barrage of shuriken in a way that brought him closer to where Hiroki was doing his best to avoid being hit by a string of senbon. "Hai," he shouted back as he tossed a kunai toward his teammate, quickly calculating the trajectory and speed at which he'd need to throw it to intercept as many of the senbon headed for Hiroki as possible.

Then all hell broke loose. The two enemy shinobi who had been just standing and watching their comrade play with the two Genin decided it'd be a good time to join in, just as the one known as Hawk-Eye cast an earth jutsu and a huge wall of stone erected itself between Ritsu and their sensei.

Iruka, who already had a good grasp on intricate chakra control and subtle warfare from his times pranking at the academy, knew he needed to get his teammates to the nearest edge of the perimetre of the camp if they wanted to have a shot at a chance of making it home. When setting the perimetre up that morning, Tamotsu-sensei had incorporated some of the traps Iruka had conceived, and shown him how to fuse just the right amount of chakra into their surroundings so that he could tie the traps together and set off a chain reaction without using enough chakra to give them away. If the Genin could just get close enough to even one of the traps, Iruka could trigger the chain reaction and hopefully buy them enough time to retreat.

But it seemed that his own team was set on working against him. Hiroki dodged all the attacks sent at him haphazardly, not paying attention to where he was leaping to or where his counterattacks were going. He just moved on instinct, and even though that instinct was keeping him alive at the moment, it wouldn't continue to do so unless he started paying attention to where Iruka was subtly trying to maneuver their little trio. It might not have been so bad if Ritsu had caught on to his teammate's tactic, but Hiroki and such a bold, confident fighting style and Ritsu automatically followed his lead. Maybe he could just make a run for it, and hopefully when the traps started going off the others would know to run. _No_, he told himself sternly. _Stick together. Separate and you're dead._

Slowly the Genin were being pushed back and away from their sensei, closer and closer to an outcropping of stone. _Think of something, think of something_, Iruka chanted to himself just as he was backed completely up against a wall of stone. He looked around frantically. There was nothing he could use to defend himself or his team, Hiroki was nearly chakra exhausted, and Ritsu had taken a hit in the left leg and was bleeding profusely. Tamotsu-sensei was tied up with the original two opposing shinobi and seemed to be struggling to hold his own against them. And then he looked up.

They were under an overhang of stone, and the wall Iruka was pressed against was angled almost forty five degrees away from the ground. He thought back to one of the last lectures he'd sat through at the academy, about geometric shapes and their different uses in battle. The idea formed in his mind and he pushed Ritsu and Hiroki down to the ground, keeping them as close to the stone as possible. If this didn't work, they'd all be crushed to death, he was sure. He looked up again and calculated to the best of his ability where about he should strike the stone. He took a deep breath, created a strong chakra flow to his right arm, and struck up. The stone above them cracked and fell, putting a temporary shield between the boys and the enemy both in their front and over their heads. Iruka glanced briefly around the dimensions of the little triangle they were encased in and almost allowed himself a smile before addressing the others.

"Ritsu, how's your chakra?"

"I'm tired, but if it wasn't for this damn leg I'd be fine."

Iruka nodded before studying Hiroki briefly. He then turned back to Ritsu. "Can you make us a tunnel? I'll follow behind you and chakra infuse the dirt so that when it falls it won't crush us."

"I don't know Ru, can you do that?"

"We have to try. This wall won't hold for much longer and once it breaks they'll kill us."

"What about sensei?" Hiroki asked, his eyes wide but managing to keep his voice from shaking.

"He'll find us. We need to move."

Ritsu nodded before busting through the earth, and he began tunneling as fast as he dared, dragging a pretty useless Hiroki behind him. He didn't pause to find out if Iruka was keeping up, he just figured that the little brunet was. It always slipped his mind that Iruka was almost a full year younger than he and Hiroki, having graduated at eleven instead of twelve like them. The little spitfire was smarter than both of them, had better chakra control, and a wide knowledge of handsigns. But Ritsu had focused so much on Iruka's strengths that he'd forgotten the boy's weaknesses. Though his brain worked quickly, Iruka's body didn't have the speed to keep up with his larger teammates, and he didn't have a large enough chakra reserve to keep the tunnel from totally collapsing if they went on much farther.

Iruka was panicking. In theory, he knew the chakra to dirt ratio that he needed to use for his plan to work, but in his hurry he'd been using too much chakra. Not only was he running low, but the enemy would be able to track them quite easily. "Damnit," he muttered as he turned and realized just how far behind he'd fallen.

Suddenly Hiroki screamed, and Ritsu was dragged forcefully from the earth and up to the surface. Hiroki then catapulted himself up and into the air, prepared to fight to free his teammate, when he realized that it was an injured Tamotsu-sensei that had found them.

"Iruka-kun, come here," their sensei called, and Iruka sighed heavily with relief. But instead of scampering the hundred meters or so to where the hole in the tunnel was, Iruka broke the dirt above his head and popped up to the surface from there. He took a moment to catch his breath when he heard his sensei's voice again. "Come here Iruka. Now." Tamotsu-sensei's voice was harsh and mildly Iruka wondered what he'd done wrong this time when a huge, strong hand grabbed his throat from behind.

"Put the boy down, Hawk-Eye," Tamotsu-sensei said sternly, but Hawk-Eye just laughed.

"Didn't sensei tell you to all keep together," the man whispered, his lips right beside Iruka's ear. The boy couldn't contain his shudder and he felt the hot breath ghost over his skin. "You should pay more attention, Little Leaf."

"Hawk-Eye."

"Shut up, Nishimura," Hawk-Eye spat, his eyes blazing as he looked at Tamotsu-sensei. "Here's the deal. You stay and fight and everyone dies. Or you take those two runts and go home, and let me keep this little one."

Tamotsu-sensei laughed. "You're crazier than I thought. You think I'd leave one of my Genin with you?"

"Leaving one is better than leaving all three, isn't it, ne?" Hawk-Eye practically purred as the three from before stepped into the battlefield and surrounded then again. Iruka noticed that the one that had been talking as their leader before was now absent.

And then Tamotsu-sensei asked a question that froze Iruka's blood. "If I leave him, you promise you won't follow us?"

Hawk-Eye nodded. "Have I ever lied to you, Nishimura?"

Tamotsu-sensei hoisted Hiroki onto his back and took a firm grip on Ritsu's shoulder. Then he looked long and hard into Iruka's eyes, as if trying to tell him something, before murmuring, "No, you haven't," and taking off into the trees at a breakneck speed.

* * *

Iruka paused in his story, his eyes glazed as he remembered that moment. Everyone stared. "Your sensei... Left you?!" Naruto practically shrieked as he looked up at Iruka, and then swung his gaze around to Kakashi.

Kakashi's whole body was tense. A Jonin leaving one of his Genin in the hands of hostile shinobi? Not a chance. He knew he hadn't been the best team leader with his former Genin, but he would have died before leaving any one of them out on the battlefield alone.

"He did what he had to to keep the others safe," Iruka murmured, looking down intently at his hands.

"How did he decide that the lives of your teammates was more important than yours?" Sasuke asked, his gaze on the sensei intense.

"There were two of them he could save without any trouble. And then there was me, who wasn't going to get away without my team probably dying. And then where would I be?"

"It was a bluff," Ibiki said, his voice harsh. "But even if it wasn't, as a Jonin Nishimura should have been able to come up with something other than that."

"What would you have done?" Iruka asked calmly. "In that situation, what would any of you had done?"


	10. A Month In Hell

***Author's Notes: **Sorry for the huge amounts of OC's. This is the last chapter of that. Rated M for violence. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi

* * *

No one had an answer for Iruka's question. The fact that the boys in question were new Genin made every available option seem more highly undesirable that if they'd been a Chuunin squad, or even just a little more experienced.

Iruka reached out and ruffled Naruto's hair before continuing, "Once my team was out of sight, I tried to fight back. But it was four advanced shinobi against me; I obviously didn't stand a chance, and they'd just been playing around before. They weren't in the mood for playing anymore though. I was hit was some sort of weird jutsu and was out pretty quick."

The brunet scratched at the scar on his nose, wincing ever so slightly as he rolled his shoulders. Then he leaned heavily against Kotetsu and focused his gaze up on the ceiling.

* * *

When Iruka opened his eyes he was laying on top of dusty, hard packed soil. His tongue felt like it'd been replaced with a wad of cotton and he had a splitting headache. He moved to sit up and pain shot down his spine, drawing a hiss of pain from him and causing the little Genin to flop back down and lie still. He didn't know where he was, but it was musky, dim, damp, and all noises were muffled and softened by the dirt. _Underground?_ There was a shuffle from behind him and he twisted, his face contorting with pain from the effort. But then footsteps were coming towards him, and a face knelt in front of his face to save him the effort.

"So you're the little one Hawk-Eye liked so much, hm?" The beautiful woman brushed his hair out of his eyes and the dirt off his face before scooping him into her arms and gently rocking him. "He was quite impressed with you out on the field, though I'm sure you couldn't tell. But he could have taken anyone, and he chose you. You should be proud." Then she planted a kiss above his temple. A tremor made it's way through Iruka's body.

Hawk-Eye entered the small room and a smile crossed his face when he saw the way Tide cradled the prize he'd taken from Nishimura in her lap. "Does he please you?" His voice rumbled, and the woman gazed up at him.

Iruka started at the sound of Hawk-Eye's voice, and scrambled to get away from both of those people. Tide's hold on him tightened and to his utter distress he couldn't shake her off.

"Don't fight too much, you're still very weak. We don't want you to hurt yourself, Little Leaf," she murmured into his hair as she pulled the boy closer against her chest.

Hawk-Eye scratched at his jaw and then cleared his throat. "Go get the others, Tide. I think it's time we begin the fun."

Tide grinned and let Iruka go, standing up and brushing against Hawk-Eye on her way out the door. The man watched her go with a pensive expression on his face before turning to the boy who was valiantly trying not to cower in front of him. "Iruka. That's what Nishimura called you, yes?" Iruka didn't respond, and Hawk-Eye lashed out, grabbing him by the back of his head and dragging the boy across the dirt. "I'll take your silence as an affirmative. The more you cooperate, the easier it will be for you here. You'll be here for a while since Nishimura won't be coming back for you."

Iruka's eyes widened, but not a sound escaped him. Hawk-Eye smirked at the boy's quiet conduct and released his hold on the boy's hair. He was holding up pretty well for such a young one. How long would that last? They were about to find out.

Tide floated back in, the three men from the battlefield following behind her. The woman took up a seat on a table in the corner of the room while four bulking men studied the boy, dangerous glints in their eyes. "Let's see what he can do," Hawk-Eye purred, nodding at the others. A sandy blond man stepped forward and was bearing down on Iruka before the boy could even think to move.

"So eager, Phoenix," Tide laughed as the blond man slapped the boy across the face multiple times before grabbing him by the throat and holding him still as he pulled out a kunai and sunk it deep into the fleshy part of Iruka's thigh and jerking. Iruka struggled, but he couldn't breathe. Tears formed behind his lashes from the sudden pain and he gasped desperately, but he was determined to not make any noise aside from the necessary wheezing. The blond kept strangling the boy, but before too long Hawk-Eye called him off.

"Yeah, give us a turn too. It'll be no fun if you kill him in the first go around."

Each man had a turn at attacking the boy, and Hawk-Eye continued to be impressed by Iruka's lack of reaction. Impressed, but more annoyed with each passing turn. Tide, too, was becoming impatient. "I want to see him fight back; make him scream," she whined.

"You heard the lady, boys. Time to pull out the jutsu, ne?" Hawk-Eye growled, malice and excitement sparking in his eyes.

Within the first fifteen minutes, Iruka wasn't able to continue on in relative silence. He had a water jutsu blast him in the face, throwing him across the room and filling his lungs with water. He'd been scorched in various areas of the body by various fire jutsu. He'd been paralyzed, caught in the middle of a windstorm of senbon, beaten by clones so well constructed that he'd lost track of the fact they were clones, put under at least two different genjutsu, and spat on. Interestingly enough, it was the wad of saliva that broke Iruka's resolve and he screamed. His cry was accompanied by a huge release of chakra; the wave of it enough to cause a rumbling through the room and the dislodging of loose dirt from the walls and ceiling.

Tide howled, laughter and excitement emanating from her as she clapped her hands. Hawk-Eye was satisfied with the boy's outburst. He watched as Iruka curled in on himself, chakra drained and littered with burns, deep cuts, and broken bones. The boy moaned, unable to hide the amount of pain he was in, and Hawk-Eye smiled. Did the kid have anything else in him?

Everyone watched as Hawk-Eye crossed the room and knelt down beside the nearly unconscious brunet. "Would you like me to heal some of the damage for you, Little Leaf? I want you to be able to sleep comfortably tonight," he murmured into Iruka's ear, hands gently brushing over a gash in the boy's shoulder.

Iruka's eyes were clouded by pain and fear, his whole body shaking. But he still managed a whisper in response. "Go to hell."

Hawk-Eye laughed. Was this the Will of Fire that Nishimura used to so often go on about? The boy was definitely feisty, that was for sure. And then he slammed a fist into the back of the boy's head, successfully knocking him out.

"You want to clean him up, or shall I?" Hawk-Eye asked Tide, and the woman hopped off her perch on the table and walked over.

She studied the boy, and then looked up at the man beside her before slipping her hand around his. "Together?"

Hawk-Eye dismissed the other three men with a flick of his wrist before pulling the small woman against him and nimbly beginning to pull pins out of her infuriatingly intricate bun. "Together," he repeated softly. He glanced down at the boy and fought back a smile. This was the first gift he'd brought to her that she'd taken to so well. He wondered what his beautiful wife had in mind for the boy next.

* * *

Iruka sighed heavily, a frown etched onto his face. He pulled his legs up to his chest and closed his eyes. Kakashi saw signs of the brunet shutting down, so he very carefully, gently, took hold of Iruka's ankles and pulled them into his lap, massaging the other man's feet and calves in an attempt to keep him calm. Iruka was surprised, but didn't object the way the scarecrow's hands soothed the knots in his muscles.

He watched as the pale fingers kneaded his feet before continuing, "It went on like that for a couple of days before they started bringing in the sexual components."

Naruto's head snapped up. Sasuke's eyes widened. Kotetsu's arms tightened around Iruka's shoulders. Genma clamped down on his senbon. Anko's eyebrows furrowed as she glanced at Ibiki. Ibiki's face was set hard as stone, his arms crossed over his huge expanse of a chest. Izumo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his lips drawing into a tight line.

Kakashi's hands froze in their ministrations only momentarily before continuing their massage with renewed vigor. He watched Iruka's face intently, noticed how the tanned man took at everyone's reactions and seemed hesitant to continue. He was surprised that Iruka had been able to share as much as he had without freaking out as it was, and he was about to suggest taking a snack break or maybe Iruka taking a nap before Sasuke spoke up. "How long were you with them?"

Iruka seemed almost at a loss. "He was missing for about a month," Izumo answered for him. "Nishimura and Hyuuga Hiashi brought him back just as the leaves were turning red."

"Your nightmare spells are triggered by the anniversary of your return?" Genma murmured, the question not really needing a verbal answer.

"What did they do to you?" Naruto's voice shook. He didn't really want to know, but his curiosity and concern wouldn't rest until he found out.

Iruka's muscles tightened and twitched under Kakashi's fingers, and he squeezed the other man's feet in what he hoped came across as a sign of support. The Chuunin seemed determined not to make eye contact with the spindly Jonin as he murmured, "Everything."

The answer was vague, yet quite telling. It seemed Iruka had reached his limit. He didn't want to have this conversation anymore, and nobody could blame him. But Izumo knew they had to keep going. If Iruka didn't work through what happened to him, didn't address his still present fears that clung to him after the incident, the nightmares wouldn't get better. And they needed the nightmares to get better.


	11. End Game

***Author's Notes:** Even though this story is meant to (eventually) be KakaIru centric (I'm getting there, I promise!) this chapter focuses heavily on a different couple. I needed to do that to help Kakashi get his foot in the door once he stops being a dolt about his emotions. This chapter is also set up a little differently, and I hope it won't be too confusing. If it is, please drop me a note and I'll do my best to fix it. Warnings for implied sexual encounters (consensual, thank god). Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

"Maa, I think everyone needs a little break, ne?" Kakashi spoke when he saw the determined set of Izumo's face. "I bet Iruka-sensei could use some space after what he just told us and we could all use some time to digest the information. As well as maybe some other things. You came right from the gates, didn't you?" he asked, aiming his final question at Kotetsu.

When the spikey haired Chuunin nodded, Everyone began to realize just how hungry they were.

"Okay," Izumo's determination to plow right through and talk it out wavered when he noticed that Kotetsu was struggling to focus. "Lets split up and have a dinner break. But we'll meet back here in half an hour, ne?"

The group nodded their approval and began to disperse. "Do you want to go to Ichiraku's, Iruka-nii?" Naruto asked.

"No, thank you Naruto. I think I just need some time to myself for right now."

"Can we bring you back anything?" Sasuke respected the Chuunin's wish, but didn't know if he trusted him to eat while they were gone. Iruka shook his head, declining the offer. The teen almost scowled and glanced at Genma, who just nodded his head.

Naruto hugged Iruka quickly before heading for the door, and Sasuke followed the blond dutifully. Kakashi watched his teenaged comrades for a moment before casting a worried look at Iruka, his teeth chewing on his bottom lip underneath his mask. He wanted to stay, but Sasuke's voice stopped his thoughts. "If you don't come with us, Naruto will eat your ramen before we have the chance to bring it back to you." Kakashi wasn't fooled by the boy's statement and saw it as the request that it was. Sasuke wanted to talk.

"Jaa, ne," He said as he rose from his spot on the couch, "Be back soon." He cast a final glance at Iruka before following the boys out onto the street, only sparing a brief thought about the fact that Genma had been the first to arrive and the last to leave.

* * *

It was late when Sasuke came into the mission room, he would be the last shinobi in before Genma closed up for the night. The last Uchiha came across the room towards the senbon sucker as if he had a purpose.

"Shiranui-san," the boy muttered.

"Hnn?" Genma replied in a similar manner to the boy's own trademark grunt. The tokujo was bored and tired. It didn't look like Uchiha had a report to hand in, so he was just wasting time Genma could have been using to prepare to go to the bar, or as was more likely, home.

"You're friends with Iruka-sensei." It should have been a question, but it wasn't. If Sasuke hadn't been sure of Genma's involvement with Iruka's group of friends, he wouldn't have been wasting his time there.

"So?"

"There's something wrong with him. I thought you could enlighten me."

Genma looked at Sasuke long and hard, his senbon ceasing it's usual twitching between his lips. A heavy silence stretched between them for a good few minutes before Genma exhaled slowly through his nose. "He isn't sleeping. Is he?"

"No," Sasuke confirmed steadily. "He isn't."

Genma gave a slow nod, and his senbon twitched back to life. "You want me to tell you how to fix it." Sasuke didn't reply for a few moments before giving only a curt nod. Genma sighed and fought the urge to give the former missing nin and incredulous glare. "If I knew, I would have done something about it years ago. But if you find another way I can help, let me know. "

Sasuke gave another nod before turning and making to leave. That hadn't gone as planned, and the teen was frustrated that he hadn't been able to uncover any information other that what he'd heard from Izumo and Kotetsu before he and Kakashi had been kicked out of their home the other evening. He was almost at the door when he was stopped.

"Uchiha," Genma called, his voice soft but serious. "I mean it. Let me know."

Sasuke paused, his head half turned to the tokujo as he nodded again and continued out the door.

Genma sighed and stood, going about his closing up routines. He hadn't yet been sure whether he was going to go out or just head home and get some sleep, but the Uchiha had pretty much taken the choice away from him. He would have to go to the nearest bar and get totally shitfaced if he wanted to keep his mind off of Iruka tonight. The honey-haired man briefly closed his eyes, and he could see a sleepless Iruka standing by the open window, leaning out into the night and looking up at the moon. He could see the way the shadows danced across the bronze man's face, making him look like a god come home from war, the way the exhaustion weighed down on the young man's shoulders.

"Come back to bed, Babe," He would say, his voice a little tired but the rest of him wide awake, concerned.

Iruka would slink back across the room and crawl up the bed, settling in Genma's lap. The younger of the two would run slender fingers through his partner's hair and pull him in for a searing kiss, his tongue lapping up the faint taste of cigarettes. It had gotten better since the tokujo stopped smoking, but now there were always little pinpricks in his lips from the senbon he kept in his mouth in place of the cancer sticks.

The Chuunin would ever so lightly run his fingers over Genma's skin, and the man would shiver and lean into the touch. He knew something was wrong with his young lover, but he also knew that Iruka didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to forget. Genma would then gently roll so that Iruka was underneath him, and then kiss down the toned, tan abdomen. He paused at the waistband of the sweatpants and kissed, sucked, and nipped at the narrow hip bones, drawing soft gasps and quiet moans from the younger man. But just as Genma was about to take his mouth further down, Iruka would pull him up for a desperate kiss and flip their positions, the golden youngster now between his elder's legs.

"Let me." he'd whisper against Genma's bare thighs, sending shivers up the tokujo's spine.

His eyes opened slowly and he locked up the mission room. He was going to need a lot of alcohol and maybe a bed partner if he wanted to keep his mind off of Iruka tonight.

And he wanted, no, needed to keep his mind off of Iruka.

* * *

When Kakashi answered Iruka's door, Genma was unprepared for the sting he felt in his chest. He wasn't at all surprised that the golden Chuunin had caught the Copy nin's eye; even in his malnourished, tired state of being it was obvious that Iruka would be admirably attractive when healthy. But he was unhappy with this turn of events. Kakashi, though a great asset to the village, was unpredictable, unstable, and completely incompatible with the academy instructor. Though his generally laid back demeanor would level out Iruka's hot headedness and no doubt help him wind down, he knew that Kakashi would be hard pressed to figure out and keep track of all of Iruka's little ticks, plenty of which there were. He doubted that Kakashi would be thoughtful enough of Iruka's sentimentality and put the effort in to do those little things that Iruka loved so much.

But if the infamous Sharingan Kakashi, man of a thousand jutsu, was the one that Iruka wanted by his side during this rough period, than Genma would hold his tongue.

He was also unprepared to find the Chuunin asleep on the couch. He tried not to dwell too much on it, but when Iruka's nightmare started to manifest in the movement of his limbs and the pained expression on his face, Genma was hit by a severe sense of deja vu. And when Iruka's fearful gaze finally found it's way to him, he felt like he'd been transported back in time eight years.

Iruka couldn't hold his gaze for long, and Genma wondered if it would always be like that.

* * *

The revelation that Iruka had spent almost a month being raped in enemy territory at the age of eleven had sent everyone in the room for a spin. Everyone except Genma. He'd seen red for a moment, but after the sudden need to kill every person who'd been involved, along with the already deceased Nishimura, had passed, things started to fall into place for the tokujo.

It had taken Iruka nearly three months before he felt comfortable spending the night at Genma's apartment. And another four months after that before they had been able to begin messing around under the covers. But Genma had been okay with that, because by that point he was already crazy for the younger man. And when Iruka finally allowed them to have sex, Genma was supremely pleased with the fact that Iruka was beginning to open up to him.

Except that Iruka wasn't. Not really.

For nearly six months, Iruka would have mood swings during their lovemaking. He would start off just as lustful and needy as Genma was, but something would happen and the bronze man would shut down. The weirdest part of the whole thing was that Genma couldn't find any rhyme nor reason to the incidents. One time it would be a change in positions, another time Genma would say something. Sometimes it would happen near the beginning, sometimes near the end. It was inconvenient, and Genma wouldn't lie; the situation frustrated him. But in the scheme of things is didn't really matter that much.

As long as Iruka was happy for the most part, and as long as Genma was allowed to hold him, he could deal with the rest.

But it wasn't long after they started having sex that the nightmares started getting progressively worse. At the time, Genma hadn't been able to figure out why his Chuunin's annual bout of insomnia had been more aggressive and had lasted longer than the ones he remembered from before they had started dating, but now Genma could see it for what it was. He knew he had been the Chuunin's first real relationship, and now he realized that the poor kid had been fighting this ghost just to be able to share a bed with him.

Everything that had confused him about his former lover over the years slowly started making sense. He should have been able to figure it out before.

At some point during Genma's musings, the others had decided to take a break to give Iruka the chance to collect his thoughts while they went and got some air. It seemed that everyone had decided to go to various cafes or fast food joints to grab a quick bite to eat before returning to Iruka's home. Kakashi seemed extremely hesitant to leave, but Sasuke dragged him and Naruto away. Genma opted to stay and keep an eye on the Chuunin, but he needed some space so he wandered out onto the patio. After a few minutes to himself, he heard the patio door slide open and Iruka came and stood beside him, a little closer than necessary, but not close enough for his intentions to be misconstrued.

They stood together in silence for a few minutes before Iruka whispered, "Are you angry?"

Genma mulled over his words carefully before speaking. "I'm angry that you were left with the enemy when your sensei knew you wouldn't be able to defend yourself. I'm angry that those scumbags had no valid reason to torture you. I'm angry that they were so good at hiding that it took the rescue team a month to find you. I'm angry that even nine years after it happened they still had the power to hurt you so much that it destroyed us." Iruka was trembling slightly and Genma pulled the smaller nin into a tender embrace. Then he whispered into Iruka's hair softly, "And I'm angry that even after all these years apart, you still fit against my chest like you were made just for me."

Iruka's fingers curled into the fabric of Genma's vest and they stood there, wrapped up in each other for a long time. It was Iruka that pulled away first, and then Genma remembered the scarecrow. "How long have you been seeing Kakashi?"

The look on Iruka's face was that of surprise and confusion. "...I haven't been. I'm not. What gave you that idea?"

Genma studied the Chuunin for a while before shrugging. He watched the sky for a while before he said, "You could have told me, you know. About everything. Back when...,"

"Gen,"

"I could have helped. You could have told me."

Iruka sighed and leaned on the wooden rail in front of him. "I know, Gen."

"Would it have made a difference? Would we have been able to keep it together if I had known?"

"Probably."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"Gen,"

"No," Genma said, determined. He needed his answers. It had been eight years and he needed to know. "No, why?"

Iruka was thoughtful and quiet, looking out into the garden as he picked through his thoughts and began to speak. "I wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't want anyone to know that it still hurt. But mostly, I wasn't ready for you."

"What?" Hurt crossed Genma's face and he hoped Iruka didn't see.

Iruka had, but ignored it because he knew that's what Genma wanted. "Genma. I was your end game. You could have woken up beside me every day for the rest of your life and been happy. Content. I loved you more than anything, but you were my first anything that mattered. If I had told you... I would have given away the only thing that kept us apart. And then twenty years down the line I would have one day woken up beside you, in love but dissatisfied, because I would wonder if I'd missed something somewhere along the line. I didn't want that for myself Gen, and I didn't want that for you. I couldn't let you down like that."

Genma was quiet for a long time, just looking at the Chuunin's profile. Somehow, he was just as beautiful as ever. "I still remember waking up and begging you to come back to bed," he murmured and Iruka almost winced. "I remember wondering why you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was bothering you. Sometimes when I open my eyes, and it's dark, and I'm half asleep, I'll look at the window and swear I see you standing there. Even now."

"I'm sorry," Iruka whispered, sadness coming off of him in waves.

"You're still my end game, Iruka. You always will be."

"Gen,"

"And when you're ready for me, I'll be here. And if you're never ready for me, I'll make sure the person who is your end game treats you the way you deserve. Don't look at me like that. It still makes me crazy."

And then Iruka's hands were caressing his face, and deep brown eyes were staring into him, and his skin was on fire and his heart hurt. Iruka's lips brushed the edge of Genma's jaw in a way that sent shivers down his spine before he whispered, "A part of me will always be yours, Gen. And I still miss you. I think I always will. But I don't know if I can give you anything more than that."

Genma's voice was no more than a shaken whisper when he asked, "Can I kiss you?"

"Gen,"

"Just once. Please. To tide me over for the next eight years?"

Iruka gently guided Genma's head lower and pressed his lips softly against the tokujo's. The kiss was soft and sweet and everything Genma remembered. He pulled the smaller man closer to him, wrapping him up in his arms and kissing him back gently. Iruka could taste Genma's desperation, and he hated himself for having done that to the honey-haired man. It was, eventually, Genma that pulled away. His lips left Iruka's but redeposited themselves on the tan forehead. "Thank you," he murmured against the golden skin, and Iruka shivered. Then Genma let the Chuunin go. "I'll go make you some tea. It looks like Anko brought you over some good stuff." And then the tokujo was back in the house.

Iruka stood outside for a while longer before going back inside to help Genma make what Iruka guessed was an attempt at dinner. He could already tell that it was going to be a long night.


	12. Cut Short

***Author's notes: **Sorry for the late update. My life started falling apart just as I was trying to write this, so that made for a delayed and poorly written chapter. I actually hate this one, so I'm sorry. And to ZeeCaptein, Genma is one of my favourites and he's been trying to hijack my plot, so I think he'll have his happy ending whether it works with the story or not. Again guys, sorry for the state of this chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to get my head back in the game pretty quick here. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Naruto ordered six bowls of ramen to go, four for him and one for each of his companions, before wandering to the back of the ramen stand to use the restroom. Once the blond was out of sight Kakashi turned to his back haired counterpart. "What's on your mind?"

"Don't make your move until he's back to normal," the teen murmured, staring at the wall in front of him.

Kakashi blinked once, perplexed. "Huh?"

"Don't make your move until he's back to normal," Sasuke repeated slowly, as if talking to a child who didn't understand something. Or Naruto. "Because if his friends think you're taking advantage of him while he's in a weakened state, either physically, emotionally, or mentally, they will find a way to kill you."

"Sasuke, what are you talking about? Make what move? Whose friends?"

The last of the Uchiha stared at his former sensei with a strange cross between pity and annoyance. "Iruka-sensei. I'm talking about Iruka-sensei."

But instead of that statement enlightening the pale Jonin, it just sent him reeling. "What?"

The exasperated sigh that the scarecrow drew from Sasuke's lips was followed by the teen running a hand over his face in a very tired, un-Sasuke-like manner. "You have to be the dumbest 'genius' I've ever met. You like Iruka-sensei."

"Of course I like him. He's a good shinobi."

"No, Kakashi. That's not what I mean. You _like_ Iruka-sensei. And you must be the only one who hasn't noticed. Idiot."

Kakashi sat in silence, thinking about what Sasuke had just said. Could he really _like_ the feisty Chuunin? Is that why he'd been practically stalking the floundering man since Naruto had brought up the idea of him being unwell, is that what brought up the impromptu massages and reluctance to leave him alone for too long? The random stabs of jealousy?

Kakashi could have smacked himself. He really was an idiot. But instead of just agreeing with his former student, he became sort of mopey. "Don't tell me how I feel," he muttered. Kakashi hated being the last to know anything, but when it came to being the last to know something about himself, well that was just plain unacceptable.

Sasuke sighed. "I was exaggerating," he said in his customary monotone. "I don't think Kotetsu-san noticed anything different, Anko-san was too busy fighting off a bloodlust to pay attention to you, and Naruto is Naruto. But if you move too fast, it will be a race between Izumo-san and Shiranui-san to see who can kill you first."

"Genma? Why?"

"You really... Nevermind." Before Sasuke could speak any further on the topic, Naruto had returned.

The blond shot Ayame a smile before grabbing the bags of take-out off the counter and leaving the ramen stand, Kakashi and Sasuke following behind him. His posture was stiff and they could both tell that the teen was thinking. Neither were surprised when his subdued voice broke through the silence. "He never told us how his sensei knew those guys. And the leaves are just starting to turn colour; his nightmares started weeks ago. Something is off here."

Kakashi stared at the back of the blond's head, his visible eye wide. Why hadn't he noticed those details before? _You were too distracted by his feet,_ his brain supplied. He must _really_ like the Chunnin if rubbing his feet was enough to distract him from these two huge pieces of information.

"Hnn," Sasuke muttered. "Nishimura Tamotsu. I know that name."

"He died when the two of you would have been in the academy. He spent most of his time outside the village. I'm surprised you've heard of him," Kakashi said, the cogs in his brain spinning.

"No," Sasuke murmured, the tone of his voice changing to something darker. "I know that name from somewhere else."

Naruto stopped abruptly and spun around, his blue eyes searching Sasuke's face. The implications of what Sasuke was saying hit the blond square in the chest. "I don't understand," he whispered, his fingers curling tighter around the handles of the takeout bags. "None of this makes sense."

"Even if what you're hinting at is true," Kakashi said slowly, "Which would surprise me, but isn't improbable I suppose, what does that have to do with the early occurrence of the nightmares?"

Sasuke 'hnn'ed again but didn't say anything else, and the trio resumed walking back to Iruka's home.

"Should we ask him?" Naruto questioned, glancing at Kakashi.

The scarecrow shrugged. "I'm sure Izumo-san has been thinking along the same lines as us and will ask him himself."

When the three Jonin re-entered Iruka's home, they were all surprised by the scene that was in front of them.

Iruka was curled up on the couch, the quilt wrapped tightly around his chest and legs. His head was in Genma's lap, and a cup of tea was balanced precariously on his chest. The tokujo was popping shrimp crackers into the Chuunin's mouth and they both seemed quite at ease. Kakashi saw a peek at a pink tongue brush against creamy fingers for only a brief moment, and an intense wave of jealousy washed over him. He wondered how he'd never noticed just how he felt about the tanned Chuunin before. Sasuke's words echoed in his head, _It would be a race between Izumo-san and Shiranui-san to see who could kill you first._ Kakashi's brain recalled once again the fact that Genma had been the first to arrive that evening, and was now watching the scene play out with a critical eye. It didn't seem as if the senbon sucker had left.

Just as he was about to say something, Naruto's loud voice shattered the silence. "Iruka-nii! Why didn't you tell me Genma-sempai was your boyfriend?!"

Iruka's body jerked into an upright position, his cup of tea spilling all over the place. His eyes were wide, his face was pale, and his jaw was open in shock. Genma had shot over the back of the couch and was as far away from Iruka as he could get. Kakashi was surprised to realize that neither of the other two nin had realized the three of them had returned and had been watching them.

"Wha.. we.. it's.. he's.." Iruka sputtered, a blush overtaking his whole face and travelling down beneath the collar of his shirt.

"I'm not," Genma said, his voice flat and a blank look on his face that could rival a stoic Sasuke and bored Kakashi for 'most emotionless expression ever seen'. "We've been good friends for a very long time." The tokujo had his back turned to the Chuunin now and was wandering back into the kitchen, but no one missed the concern that crossed Iruka's face as he tracked the man's movements. Concern and was that.. guilt? Kakashi's mind was reeling once again. What the hell was going on? A heavy awkwardness filled the room, but before anything could escalate Izumo and Kotetsu returned with Anko in tow.

"Ibiki's not here yet?" the kunoichi asked, surprised.

"I would have thought the two of you were together," Genma responded with his usual smirk, but it didn't reach his eyes this time.

But before anything else could be said, Ibiki was there, towering over Iruka, rage emanating from him. Everyone instinctively shrank away and reached for weapons. Kakashi watched, ready to intervene should the T&I specialist intend to harm anyone, but it didn't seem that Genma wanted to wait that long. In an instant he was between the Chuunin and the hulking man, his eyes blazing. "Step back, Morino," the tokujo growled, his senbon twitching.

Everyone was surprised by Genma's boldness, as it was known that Ibiki could literally snap his neck without a second thought before anyone could even move to help him, except, against all reason, the act seemed to bring Ibiki out of his threatening state. He stared long at hard at Genma before taking a deep breath and backing off, his arms crossed over his chest.

"You want to tell me what the fuck that was about?" Genma asked, still on edge and seething.

Ibiki looked over the pale blond's head at Iruka as he replied, "Your nightmares started early. Want to tell them why?"

Iruka sighed heavily, and Kakashi saw the Chuunin reach out and tug on the back of Genma's vest. Genma stared hard at Ibiki for another moment before settling himself back on the couch beside Iruka, his arm over the back behind the tanned man's head. "Just so you all know," Iruka started, his voice solid but tired, "I've always had my reasons for keeping everything to myself. Some of them may be dumb, but this one was valid. About a month ago I started doing some extra work at T&I, filing and running errands and such. A week or so after I started there, I heard bits of an interrogation that I shouldn't have. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to overreact." There was an almost unbearably long pause before Iruka continued in a whisper, "I would recognize the sound of her laugh anywhere."

Four of the nin in the room were ready and raring to bust into the T&I headquarters and take out a hostage without permission when Ibiki stopped them. "I just took care of it."

"What? Ibiki that's-,"

"She wasn't telling us anything anyway. And she wasn't going to. So I ended her session."

A heavy silence filled the room as everyone glanced around at each other. When Kakashi's eyes once again fell on Iruka, he noticed the Chuunin was shaking. He longed to go over and hold the man, but Sasuke's earlier words and Genma's possessive hold on the tanned man kept him at bay. He watched as Genma whispered something in Iruka's ear, and the brunet nodded. "I think everyone needs to go home," Genma said sternly. "Iruka's tired. I'll stay here and help him through the nightmares tonight, but the rest of you need to go."


	13. What's So Bad About That?

***Author's notes: **Sorry that my updates have been sporadic. There's been a lot of stuff happening in my life lately and the holidays just sort of added to that. But anyway, here's the next chapter. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Kakashi was about to put up a fight, but once again Naruto beat him to it. "Woah there! Why should you stay with Iruka-nii? You just said you weren't dating! If anyone's going to stay, it should be me!"

"Dobe," Sasuke muttered, his voice both a warning and a threat. Kakashi thought back to all that the raven teen seemed to know and wondered just whose side he was on. He seemed to be doing a lot to leave Iruka open to Genma's advances.

"Actually," Izumo cut in before Genma could defend himself, "If someone is going to stay here with Iruka, which is, in my opinion, the best course of action, I think it should be Genma. I'm sorry Naruto, but Genma knows Ru better than anyone else, and there's a deep mutual trust between them that I think will be important tonight. Besides, they have a lot of history, and if they can work some of their old stuff out it might be easier for Iruka to start working out some other stuff as well."

"Then why don't you stay with him, Zu?" Kotetsu asked as he ran a hand down his boyfriend's arm. "I mean, you two have been best friends since forever ago, and it might get awkward if Gen and Ru are here alone...,"

"What do you mean, 'might get awkward'? You think I can't keep my thoughts off my dick, Kotetsu? Are you saying you don't trust me to do what's best for him?" Genma growled, hurt and angry. "I thought we were friends, man. I thought you knew me better than that."

"Gen, come on. You know that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"See, all of you are too selfish to look after him properly. I think I should stay," Naruto rambled over top of everyone else.

"Everyone just stop!" The room froze at the sound of Iruka's voice. His voice boomed across the living room as he whipped out his infamous 'teacher tone'. Though the Chuunin tried to never raise his voice at anyone outside of the classroom or missions room, he was exhausted and frustrated. "First, I am not a complete invalid, and don't need any of you to babysit me. Second, I'm right here. I've been right here all night, and if you want to make a decision concerning me, ask me. Third, since you're not going to let me be alone tonight, shouldn't you let me pick who stays?" Silence continued to reign over the others in the room and Iruka sighed heavily before scratching at the scar over his nose. When he spoke next, he had his eyes closed and looked just about ready to climb into bed. His voice was little more than a hoarse whisper as he asked, "Genma?"

Genma, wearing an expression reminiscent to that of a scolded child, nodded his head and pulled Iruka closer against him. "Of course," he murmured quietly.

Kotetsu shook his head as he headed for the door. "I don't like this," he said loudly, shooting a look over his shoulder at Iruka before taking Izumo by the arm and leading him out into the street.

Naruto glowered. "I'll be back in the morning," he hissed at Genma, "and if he isn't okay when I get here, you're in trouble." And with that, the blond teen stormed out, Sasuke once again trailing behind him dutifully. Anko and Ibiki left together without a word, but just as Kakashi was about to jump off the deck Iruka stopped him.

"If you're going to leave just to double back and spy on me from the patio like last night, you might as well stay."

Kakashi paused only briefly before re-entering the house and sliding the patio door shut behind him. He stood before the tokujo and the Chuunin that were wrapped up together on the couch and just looked at them, unsure of what to do now. They looked like they belonged together, and the scarecrow was hit by jealousy, uncertainty, and confusion. Why would Iruka ask him to come inside when he had Genma to fight the nightmares off?

"Please don't stare at me like that Kakashi-san," Iruka murmured as he shifted out of Genma's arms. The Chuunin stood and began to wander down the hall toward his bedroom, and before either of the elites could follow him the looked over his shoulder and said, "I'm going to go to my room. Don't come in or try to talk to me unless I scream. Goodnight." He then shut his bedroom door firmly behind him, And Kakashi and Genma were left alone together.

They eyed each other for a few tense moments before Genma slumped back against the couch with a sigh, his eyes sliding shut and his senbon almost drooping out of his lips. "That kid's gonna be the death of me one day."

"I hadn't realized you were so close," Kakashi said as he crossed the floor as settled on the couch as far away from Genma as possible.

Genma snorted and his voice was a little bit bitter but mostly accepting as he responded, "It's on and off. It's hard for me to be close to him."

"Why?"

"You're not that stupid, Kakashi. Or did you just want to hear me say it?"

"I seriously don't understand what's going on," Kakashi muttered as he shot the tokujo a mild glare.

Genma sighed again. "We broke up a long time ago. It wasn't my idea, but it was what he wanted." The senbon user raised his eyes and looked long and hard at Kakashi as he continued, "I still love him. It's hard for us to maintain a steady friendship because of that. I can see how much you want him, Hatake. And I'm trying really hard not to hate you."

"Ask him to take you back," Kakashi responded after a moment.

"No. He knows how I feel. He knows what I want. If he ever wants the same, he'll tell me. But you want him. And I think you have a shot."

"Does that piss you off?"

"Fuck yeah. You wouldn't know how to treat him if a 'The Secrets to Umino Iruka' handbook hit you in the fucking face." Genma drawled. He ran his fingers through his pale blond hair, tugging his bandana-ed hitai-ate off in the process and letting it fall to the floor as he lay his head back against the arm of the couch and and let his heavy eye lids fall shut. "Don't get me wrong man, Iruka's allowed to date whoever he wants to and I won't say a word about it. I just wish that he would chose someone who'd know how to treat him."

"You do know he and I aren't dating, right?" Kakashi asked, not entirely following Genma's train of thought.

"Yeah, I know. But you're gonna chase him. And eventually he'll cave. And when you break him, I'll pick up the pieces and pray that he'll want me. But he'll only want me after he's done wanting you."

"He wants me?"

"Not yet. But he will."

Kakashi paused, his brain whirring. Suddenly, a plan formed; a plan that could get him killed if he brought it up with the tokujo beside him. But... "Wanna help me speed up the process?"

Genma's eyes opened, and the look he shot Kakashi was almost as sharp as his senbon. He didn't say anything for a very long time, but when he did, his voice was dark and heavy, dangerous. "What?"

"Just hear me out," Kakashi said quickly, "You're right. I like him. A lot. And I'm going to chase him until he lets me take him out. But you're right a second time, because I don't know the first thing about him. Here's where you come in; you become my 'Umino Iruka Handbook'. You walk me through everything, because you know what to do."

"Why the _fuck_ would I want to do that?" Genma growled, doing his level best to keep his sudden rage under control.

"Because this way, you make sure I don't mistreat him, and eventually I'll figure out how to do all the shit he likes without your help. If it all works out, I get to keep him happy for the rest of however long. And if it doesn't work out for me, it's almost guaranteed to work out for you. As you said, you'll be there to pick up the pieces. And Genma, come on, you know me. When I break things I break them bad. You'll be his fucking hero."

"You're fucking nuts, Hatake. That whole plot is one giant manipulation. I couldn't-,"

Kakashi cut off the tokujo's train of thought before it could get any farther. "Either way it goes, he'll end up over the moon in love! What's so bad about that? If he falls in love with me, and you teach me how to be somebody he'd want to keep around, I won't let him go. He'll be safe and cared for for the rest of his life. And he fell in love with you once; what's stopping that from happening again? He can't lose no matter what, and if all you want is to see him happy, you can't lose either!"

"Hatake-,"

"Don't you want someone in that room with him right now?" Kakashi's voice was quiet as he directed his gaze at the bedroom door. "Don't you want him to have someone to rock him back to sleep after the nightmares? Someone to make sure he eats breakfast before he tackles his sixteen hour work day?" Genma had fallen silent and Kakashi continued, "This way, it could be you, Genma. Or it could be me, and since you'd have taught me everything, you know I'd be doing it right. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Genma opened his mouth, but before he could get any words out a scream from the bedroom pierced the air. Both elites looked at each other for only a moment before darting down the hall to the side of one terrified Chuunin.


	14. What Konoha Tastes Like

**Author's notes:** This one's a bit short, but it killed me. I'm sorry in advance. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

Kakashi practically kicked the bedroom door down. Iruka was huddled up near the headboard, the blankets and sheets kicked to the floor. The Chuunin's hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, he was shaking violently, and he wasn't even trying to stifle his verbal distress. He was making this noise that was somewhere between a shriek and a sob, and incoherent words were spilling from his lips. His fingers were digging into the skin on his upper arms so hard that Kakashi could smell faint traces of blood.

"Iruka," Genma's voice was level, and just loud enough to be heard, but after having worked with the tokujo in ANBU, Kakashi could tell that he was experiencing something akin to panic. The scarecrow's own heart was hammering away in his chest, and he fought hard to keep his chakra from flaring with worry.

"Please, please," Iruka sobbed. Neither elite knew what he was asking for, but both were by his side, crowding on the bed in an instant.

"Iruka. Shh. What do you need? How can I help?" Genma knew what Iruka needed, but didn't know if it'd be welcomed with him. Iruka needed to be held, and kissed, and rocked back to sleep, but even their couch cuddling earlier in the night had been him pushing his luck, and with how serious this was he didn't think he should try any physical comfort again without explicitly expressed permission. He glanced at Kakashi, who was on Iruka's other side and looking uncharacteristically shaken, and prayed that the Jonin would do something. But Kakashi just looked right back at the tokujo, waiting for him to take the lead. "Tell me what I can do," he murmured to Iruka, allowing himself to reach out and caress a wet cheek.

"I-I-I.. I don't.. know. I.. I don't know. Please. Please, just.. I don't...," The sobbing wouldn't stop, and Iruka was practically choking on his words. "Traps... the traps... please, Gen-," Genma's name caught in Iruka's throat and he couldn't get past the first syllable before what miniscule amount of composure he had dissolved and he threw himself into the tokujo's arms, his sobs increasing to a heartbreaking intensity.

Kakashi flipped up his hitai-ate and looked around. Traps? The whole room was littered with deactivated traps, with an unprecedented concentration of them around the window. The Chuunin had probably disabled everything once he realized that there'd be multiple people coming and going from his apartment. The scarecrow stood and, using the Sharingan as a guide, followed the traces of chakra around the room and reactivated everything as quickly as possible. Many of the traps showed a level of skill that Kakashi had been unaware that Iruka possessed, but paranoia drives men to push themselves past the limits imposed on them by others. As he was finishing up the last of it, the broken conversation between the other two caught his attention and set his blood on fire.

"Kiss me," Iruka begged, "Please, kiss me. I need it, I need you, please Gen. Please."

Genma stared at the Chuunin, his eyes dull, his jaw tight. He had his arms wrapped loosely around the younger man, but made no indication of moving in to give him what he wanted.

"Genma. Genma please. Please. Goddamnit Gen. Gen!" The begging turned into desperate pleas, and weak fists pounded against the chest he was trembling against. Lips pressed against tight, unresponsive lips and Iruka murmured against the tightly sealed barrier of his ex lover. "Gen. Genma. Genma." The blond's name sounded like some sort of broken prayer rolling off the shaking brunet's lips, but Genma was frozen. He was confused, hurt, angry. But most of all he was scared. This wasn't Iruka. This was... "Please. I need.. I need something from someone. Please. Kiss me damnit."

And that was all Kakashi could take. As soon as Iruka was not so focused on his lips being claimed specifically by the immobile tokujo Kakashi was back across the room, on the bed, and turning the brunet's face towards him. His thumbs holding Iruka's eyelids shut, he nudged his mask down and kissed the smaller man hard. Genma's jaw tightened to the point of the joints creaking and his teeth grinding as he felt Iruka shake in his arms and shift his weight to press against the Copy-nin. Iruka's fingers were tangled in Genma's flak vest even as his lips were claimed by the other Jounin, and it took everything Genma had not to scream. This wasn't his Iruka. This wasn't Iruka at all.

Tears still escaped from behind forcefully closed eyes, and Kakashi knew the mask now pooled around his neck was absorbing the salty wetness. He pulled away when Iruka showed signs of having difficulty breathing and pulled his mask back up before Iruka could force his eyelids to reopen. The smell of distress permeated the dark fabric and was so strong it churned Kakashi's stomach.

"I'm sorry," Iruka whispered, but neither elite knew who he was apologizing to. "I'm so sorry."

"Iruka," Genma, against all his wishes, wasn't able to hide how broken his voice was.

But Iruka was talking then, forcing the words past an uncooperating throat and bruised lips. "I thought I was going to die out there, with the taste of dirt and blood and evil in my mouth. I was so scared that I'd never taste anything else. It was raining when Hyuuga Hiashi carried me back in through the gates and I was disoriented, so messed up that all I could do was open my mouth and look at the sky. The rain tasted like freedom, like safety. Like Konoha." His eyes turned to Genma and he was still pleading with the tokujo, but not saying a word, his name no longer a prayer or mantra. "And I was doing okay until I found out she was here. She found me. She had invaded my home, my safety. And I felt that fear all over again, every day, all the time. She took everything all over again. I just needed... I needed to taste something other than evil...,"

"But why...?" Kakashi watched as Genma failed to verbalize his thoughts.

"You taste like safety, Gen. You used to. I just needed-," but the tokujo didn't give the brunet time to finish his sentence. He was across the room, the door slamming behind him in an instant. Iruka shrunk away from the noise, away from Kakashi, and folded in on himself, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands fisted in the fabric of his pyjama pants.

"Sensei?" Kakashi cursed the mild tremor in his voice.

"Go to him," Iruka murmured, his voice cracking.

"Will you be okay alone?"

"No. But neither will he. Go to him. Please."

Kakashi slunk from the room like a whisper or a shadow or a ghost, and he couldn't keep his gray eyes off the huddled mass of a school teacher as he gently closed the door behind him. He'd forgotten to cover his Sharingan and the image of Genma's face as he kissed Iruka would be burned into his brain forever. That image, as terrible as it was, was a little better than the image of a broken Iruka in the tokujo's arms, begging and being rejected. He shook his head and walked down the hall. He knew Genma would be out on the patio, so that is where he was headed.

* * *

With trembling hands, Iruka pulled the blanket from the floor and wrapped himself as tightly as he could. Fear and confusion coursed through his blood. What did this mean? The safety Genma had once provided him with had been denied and that left him shaken and utterly alone, but Kakashi... Kakashi had tasted like rain, like freedom. Kakashi had tasted like Konoha.


	15. Remind You of Yourself

***Author's notes: **Hello again! Sorry it took so long for me to post this chapter! I struggled with it a bit, and it was sort of painful to write, and I did put it off for a number of days. But it's here nonetheless. As a side note, you may have notice that I changed the summary for this piece. It has strayed from my initial plan and evolved into something else, but I hope you will all still enjoy it. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi.

* * *

"You have no right to be angry with him." Kakashi's voice was quiet, but there was an underlying edge to it as he slid open the patio door and stepped out into the night, leaning against the wall facing the taut and tense shoulders of a blond tokujo. "It's our duty to help our comrades. He was floundering. You didn't assist. It isn't his fault."

"I'm not angry with him," Genma's words were strained, ground out from behind teeth clenched so tightly that the customary senbon held between them had bent under their unrelenting pressure.

"Well, you have no right to be angry with me, either. You weren't helping. Somebody needed to," the scarecrow responded.

"I'm not."

"Then explain this to me," Kakashi prodded.

"You're supposed to be a damn genius," the tension in Genma's body, almost impossibly, increased. His left index fingernail scraped at the paint on the wooden deck banister and his right hand clenched, unclenched, and clenched. "Can't you figure it out?"

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest and adjusted his weight against the wall, his trademark lazy slouch a little more forced than usual. Talking to an angry Genma was like pulling teeth. Or trying to hold a conversation with a younger Sasuke. "I'll make it an order if I have to." It was low to threaten such a thing, Kakashi knew that, and he had never pulled rank on a fellow elite before, but he was nervous leaving Iruka in the house alone and Genma's demeanour would do nothing to ease Iruka's fragile state of mind. If they weren't able to calm Iruka down enough to have him get at least a few hours of sleep before Naruto returned, they'd have an angry jinchuuriki on their hands in the morning and that wouldn't help matters at all. But he would need to calm Genma down before he could do anything else.

Genma whirled on Kakashi so quickly and fiercely that the Jonin was almost surprised his blond companion hadn't pulled a weapon or tried to attack. Almost, but not quite. The aggression in Genma's burst of speed and current stance was unmistakable, but Kakashi made no move to defend or attack. He didn't move at all, having worked with the tokujo enough to know that no matter what he was thinking, no matter how much he wanted to sometimes, Genma would never hurt a comrade, let alone a superior, under any circumstance except direct orders. "I'm not angry at all. I'm fucking furious. That man in there," Genma's words were punctuated by a sharp point of his finger directed at the bedroom window, "That's not Iruka."

"Oh?" A slender silver brow rose only a fraction for only a moment before smoothing itself back into it's natural place.

"Iruka would never beg. Not for anything. Even when we were together, even on his worst nights, he never begged for anything." Genma's voice was trembling with what Kakashi could only consider to be barely controlled rage. "And he would _never_ imply what was implied of me in there."

"And what was implied?"

Genma didn't pause, didn't think, and didn't answer that question coherently. But he did answer it in a roundabout sort of way. "That thing tried to use me! Like I was some sort of tool to keep the demons at bay. And I was more than that to Iruka; what we had was real! He fucking loved me, I fucking know it. He would never use me like that. He loved me. They took him, and they replaced him with someone else. That isn't Iruka in there. It isn't. It can't be."

Genma's voice swelled and receded in waves, one minute a strained whisper, then an impassioned near-shout, followed by an enraged growl and back again. Kakashi struggled to roll with the insensibility, the wall upon wall of intense emotion that the blond man was emitting. Kakashi was used to clean, to uniform, to stifled. Kakashi was wholly unused to this. "I was more to him than that. He loved me, loved who I was. I was more to him than just some imagined taste. Wasn't I? Wasn't I?"

Kakashi didn't answer, couldn't. He hadn't known Iruka during that period of time and hadn't known Genma very well, had no idea that they'd been a couple. Maybe the taste of safety was all Genma ever was to the Chuunin, but every interaction he had witnessed between the two of them pointed to otherwise. Every smile Kakashi ever glimpsed, every murmured word of comfort in a classroom, every bowl of ramen bought for a demon container, every action of Iruka's that Kakashi had ever known about pointed at otherwise. Iruka didn't use people as tools or shields. He sometimes used himself as such, but would never impose that on another. But Genma was right; that feeble, pleading man in the bedroom was quite unlike the Iruka that Kakashi was used to. And Genma knew Iruka much better than he.

"He's still himself." Kakashi was at an almost complete loss, stringing words together that he hoped would make some sense. "He's just broken. Broken, desperate men do and say strange things. Fear changes people. But he's still Iruka. We just have to help him remember his real self. And to do that, we need to remember his real self."

And then Genma practically deflated. All the stress in his body evaporated and he half fell, half lowered himself to the floorboards. He dropped his head in his hands and sat very still, very quietly. Kakashi then also seated himself on the patio floor across from the tokujo and waited. He was used to deflated, to defeated, to tired. He was used to this.

"I don't think I can do this," Genma whispered through his fingers. "I just miss him so much. I don't know if I can bring the Iruka I miss back. I'm just so angry." The blond man took a deep breath and lifted his head, his brown eyes locking on Kakashi's lone gray one. "I want the happy, stubborn, proud Iruka. I want the Iruka that laughs too loudly and sputters indignantly and dirty jokes and smiles softly over tea. I can't handle this Iruka. I don't know how to help this Iruka. I don't like this Iruka. And I'm angry because if I can't find it in me to care for this Iruka, I don't deserve to love the old one."

"Genma,"

"The old Iruka would care and fight for any one of us that was there today if the roles were reversed, no matter how unlike us we were acting. He's always been a better man than me, but this new Iruka... he's...,"

"He's weak. But that doesn't make him less than he was."

"But using my mouth, when he knows how I feel about him, to make it easier on him does!" Genma's temper was now more of a heartache than anything else but he still hid behind an angry scowl, and Kakashi could understand that. All the psychology lessons that elites are made to go through state that anger is almost always a defense mechanism to hide other emotions. Almost no expressed anger is really angry. Kakashi used to think the idea of emotions wearing other emotions as masks was strange, but now he'd understood. Anger in shinobi often manifested itself as aggression. Aggression was something shinobi knew how to deal with. Sadness, heartache, and longing were not. And shinobi, just like all other humans, were dreadfully afraid of things they didn't know how to deal with.

"I don't know how to help him either. None of us do. But we have to try because, you said it yourself, that's what he'd do for us." Kakashi thought briefly about putting his hand on Genma's shoulder, because that's what Gai to people when they were upset, but decided against it. Genma and Gai never got along particularly well.

Genma snorted, but gave a resigned nod. He took the senbon from his lips and rolled it between his fingers, looking at it thoughtfully. "If Iruka was able to get me to stop smoking, I guess I should be able to be helpful to him somehow now, ne?"

Kakashi was almost able to manage a small smile behind the mask that still smelled like desperation and salt water. Almost, but not quite. Instead he rose and stalked down the length of the deck. He'd learned from his earlier stalking that the deck wrapped around the whole back half of the house, but there was only one door that led out onto it from the living room. He reached up and pried the bedroom window open, the traps he'd reset for the Chuunin only half an hour ago deactivating at the brush of his chakra. He peered into the bedroom and noticed Iruka curled up on the bed, eyes closed and breathing steady. His legs twitched, but other than that the Chuunin seemed fine. Satisfied that they would hear if the brunet was awoken by another nightmare, Kakashi returned to his spot beside Genma and leaned back against the railing. "Lets sit out here for a while. The stars are bright tonight."

Genma cast his gaze up and hummed quietly, then closed his eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink before nodding slowly. "Just for a few minutes. Then we should check on him."

"Okay," Kakashi agreed, happy that both men had calmed down considerably. He prayed it would last, but he knew better. Somehow, without even really realizing it, Kakashi found himself standing in the eye of the storm. Things would only get more complicated from here. "Okay," he said again, partly as a reassurance to and old ANBU colleague, but mostly as a promise to himself. Storm or no, he was going to help Iruka through this. And, he suspected, that meant helping Genma through it too.


	16. Surprises

***Author's notes: **I am sorry a thousand times for how late this update is. And I'm sorry about the state of it. It feels weird to me. And I'm sorry about being mean to Genma. I love him, I swear! Anyway. I need the feedback and criticism because I'm hitting a wall with this fic, and I haven't even been able to incorporate any smut yet. And that makes me unhappy. Naruto and characters belong to Masashi. The misery is all mine.

* * *

Kakashi awoke instantly. Iruka was standing over him, all tired eyes and restless hands. Beyond where Iruka stood in the patio doorway, Genma was sprawled out on the couch with a blanket thrown haphazardly over him. The scarecrow shifted. He was still sitting with his back against the railing, his legs stretched out in front of him. The sky was an inky black. Around two am, he figured. Iruka watched all of Kakashi's movements almost suspiciously, almost fearfully. The Chuunin's stance showed that before Kakashi had opened his eyes, Iruka had been a lot closer and probably crouching. A thought struck him, and it might have been funny if he weren't so tired. "Where you going to pick me up?"

Iruka let out a breathy, nervous chuckle. "You'd both fallen asleep. Isn't it chilly? You'll both be stiff later. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Did Genma move himself?"

"He didn't wake up. He's used to my chakra."

"And if he's on the couch, where were you going to dump me?"

"In my bed." Iruka's eyes shifted away from Kakashi, scanning the sky. The stars were all hidden and he frowned.

"With you?" Kakashi asked, unable to keep surprise and a little something else out of his voice.

"Of course not," the tanned man responded, trying to ignore the way Kakashi was studying him. "I was going to go for a run. And then... I don't know. Meditate. Or something."

"Did you get any sleep?"

Iruka shifted his weight around on his feet, sort of shuffling around while standing in place. He didn't look at Kakashi at all as he murmured, "A little. Come inside."

Kakashi stood and allowed the Chuunin to lead lead him into the house. He was concerned and tired, but this Iruka that wanted to take care of people was encouraging. A glimpse of the Iruka everyone was familiar with was shining through."You know-,"

The Jonin was cut off by the man who seemed to be able to read his mind. "I'm not tired, Kakashi-san. Please. Make yourself comfortable." But just as the tanned man was making the hand signs to teleport away, Kakashi was in front of him, nearly pressed against him but not quite touching, his fingers just gently resting against Iruka's right wrist, keeping the signs from being completed. The two men just looked at each other for a long time, it being the first time Iruka looked him in the eye since before the war.

Kakashi almost expected Iruka to start crying. Almost expected Iruka to kiss him, seeking tastes that are only in the Chuunin's head. Almost expected a slap across the face followed by a hastily thrown together teleportation. Almost expected Genma to wake up and throw a tantrum, scaring Iruka back into the bedroom. Kakashi was half prepared for a number of scenarios, but had been completely caught off guard by Iruka once again because the Chuunin only gave a small, tired smile and let his hands fall down to his sides. The weariness in his body was obvious, but he stood quietly, almost as if waiting for directions. He made no move to put any distance between himself and the Copy nin, and he didn't look away from Kakashi's stormy blue eye.

The Man of a Thousand Jutsu was frozen. He could barely breathe. His brain had shut down. What was this? This... This new Iruka sent him for a spin at every turn, had him acting in ways he would never normally act, and now he was frozen under this self destructive man's exhausted but intense gaze. Brown eyes so dark and deep you could drown in them seemed to search and probe at Kakashi's masked face, seemed to almost peer under his mask, under his skin, under his skull, and right into his halted thought processes. All he could properly think was 'please don't let Genma wake up right now.'

A barely there smile still graced the skinny Chuunin's lips as he whispered, "What am I doing, Kakashi-san?"

And then Kakashi's masked lips were crashing down on the Chuunin. The hard, frantic kiss in the bedroom had left Kakashi shaken and confused. He'd wanted so much to believe that he'd done it to help, and that it hadn't left him with an internal hunger or a need for more, but it had. It had, and with Iruka so damn close, coherent and okay for now, Kakashi couldn't think about the consequences of his current actions because Iruka smelled like sadness and need.

Their bodies collided and the scarecrow's hands were in matted brown hair, cracked lips and pearly teeth nipping at the fabric of his mask. Kakashi clutched at Iruka, pulled him closer, and didn't notice that the only part of Iruka that was reacting to him at all was his mouth. Tanned hands were still, neither pushing away nor seeking more contact. Iruka's chest did not raise and fall with ragged breaths as Kakashi's did. Not even his vocal chords came into action. Only lips pressing against black fabric.

And then there was a hand on his shoulder, jerking him back and away. There was a fist in his face. There was a senbon stabbed into the back of his ever present glove, just scraping against the fragile skin between his knuckles. He reacted with a punch of his own, and before he could really comprehend what had happened or what was currently happening, he was brawling with an old friend on the living room floor of an unstable shinobi. Genma's fists were hard and fast, and the Copy nin stopped fighting, letting the older nin beat on him. The blond was crying, hot tears falling onto Kakashi's forehead and in his hair, and when it registered in the tokujo's brain that the object of his anger was no longer struggling, his hands slowly stilled, his inner violence calming.

Both elites looked long at each other before turning their gazes to where Iruka had stood, only to find that the Chuunin had vanished. Kakashi reached out with his chakra, searching the house, and realized Iruka was gone. Genma sat back and rubbed his face in his hands. A bloody nose, split lip, and bruised pride were all he had. He didn't want to think about how out of control the whole situation made him feel, how out of control _Iruka_ made him feel. "He'll drag us both down with him," he whispered, his hands fisting in Kakashi's vest.

Kakashi let out a slow breath. "He's drowning."

"People who are drowning often drown the ones trying to save them."

* * *

Iruka was sitting in the Hokage's office. It was dark, and alarms were going off all around him. He had disabled all the traps that had tried to kill him, and he had also tampered with the alarms so that while they were blaring inside the office, the alert would not be sent to T&I or the ANBU headquarters. Instead, the only other place the alarm would ring would be the Hokage's personal dwelling. And so Iruka sat in the darkness, the deafening screech of the alarm silencing any stray thoughts that were rattling around in his head.

When Tsunade crashed into her office, she was ready to literally kill who or whatever had set off the alarms and disrupted months of peace that had settled over her village. But everything in her paused when she saw one Umino Iruka sitting, still as a statue, in the middle of it all, broken and dismantled traps scattered around the room. The only injury he received for his troubles seemed to be a small nick to his left bicep, and she almost frowned. Those traps should have been able to kill and S-Class criminal, and yet her desk Chuunin had obliterated them. Either something was very wrong with her security, or Iruka had been hiding his talents even better than anyone had thought. A wave of the fifth Hokage's chakra silenced the chaos and she strode silently across the room, coming to a stop behind her desk.

She stared at him long and hard, unwavering, as her subordinate looked at nothing in particular, his eyes glassy and unfocused. "What's the meaning of this, Umino?" Her tone was stern, but her volume was quiet as she watched him with the critical eye of a medic.

Iruka looked up and in her direction, looked right at her but somehow didn't see her really at all. "I would like to request some time off."

Tsunade's jaw would have dropped had she been a lesser ninja. Her eyes would have widened and maybe she would have made some sort of surprised exclamation. But she was a legendary Sannin, and though she was thoroughly surprised, no one would have known it. "You caused all this trouble just for that? Brat, that could have waited until morning."

"No. I have class in the morning. I want my time off to start right now."

"You know I can't do that, Umino."

"You're the Hokage. You can do it. And I have five years of vacation leave saved up. I can take up to thirty weeks off. We're at peace now, and I won't be gone that long-,"

"Gone?" At that, Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "You want to leave the village?"

"Just for a while. On a vacation. You'll be able to contact me at all times."

The blonde woman had a bad feeling about this whole thing. But the man before her had 210 vacation days saved up, the ninja world was at peace, and the sensei was looking like a zombie. She couldn't really deny Iruka's request. "Where would you go? How long?"

"I don't know. I'll be in touch. I don't know. Not too long."

"You know, Iruka-kun, you're being quite suspicious. And the whole mission's room staff has been worried about you. You smarten up and be straight with me, or you're not going anywhere."

Iruka bowed his head in thought for a moment. And when he next spoke, there was a quality in his voice that Tsunade had never heard in her gentle Chuunin before. It reminded her of her ANBU captains, of Ibiki before he stepped into an interrogation room. "Okay," he said grimly. "There's something I need to do. And I can't do it from here. Not with the kids and my friends, not in view of the memorial. It's killing me, Tsunade-sama. I need to do this."

"Iruka...,"

"I need to find a man. I want to bring him here. And I want to find out why he did what he did. You read my file, I know you did. I know you know what I'm talking about. That woman... You knew it was her, and you set me down there anyway, and I need to end this."

"Iruka. I can't allow you to go out into the world with revenge intentions. It didn't work for Sasuke, it won't work for you. Just.. Go back into therapy. Take up those sleeping pills again. By all means, take your vacation. But you are not going hunting for rogue ninja, and you are not, under any circumstance, bringing one here for no reason other than morbid curiosity and a need for vengeance. I know you're hurting. But killing Hawk-Eye isn't going to change that."

Iruka let out a shuddering breath before squeezing his eyes shut and whispering, "I don't feel safe anymore. I can't function like this. Help me. Please."

Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temple slowly, suddenly tired. What was she going to do with the wilting man before her? Even being around his students wasn't helping. She'd let it go too far, and she needed to fix it before her best academy sensei went off the deep end for good. But how?


End file.
